HD: Well, there is Sharapova, and I'm sure like me you long to have those long, moist Russian legs wrapped around your face?
DM: Is it just me, or are they just hitting it back and forth?
RB: How wonderful to see an all-British final.
HD: Well, there’s a ballboy who needs taming.
RB: Advantage Widdicombe.
HD: And as they come to the first, it's Barriseto followed by Red Rum.
FB: All this grunting is giving me the horn.
DM: In the women's game, why does the pretty one always lose to the moose?
HD: Now that one must be a man.
TV Shows That Never Made It To Air
FB: Hi, I'm Bill Oddie and this is Badger Cull Live. (mimes priming a pump shotgun)
HD: Complicated Financial Fraud, She Wrote.
FB: Terrorists Say the Funniest Things.
DM: Yes, it's Who Wants to be a Milliner.
RB: Police, Camera, Paperwork.
HD: Let's see if you can guess who it is in Lloyd Grossman's Through the Arsehole.
LS: Celebrity Love Island. Oh no, Christ, that really happened!
DM: Welcome to the first edition of I'm a Suicide Bomber, Get Me in There!
AP: You've Been Shot!
Unlikely Lines For the Queen To Include In Her Annual Message
FB: Some of my best friends are black.
HD: Have you been involved in an accident that wasn't your fault?
RB: Send your rebate or the corgi gets it.
FB: Aston schnitzel Heinz, meine Grüppenfuhrer!
LS: Look, we don't cost you 99p each! We don't cost you 79p each! I tell you what, I'm a fool to myself, but we cost you 61p each and for that I'll throw in Princess Michael of Kent! You can't say fairer than that!
HD: The Queen is brought to you by Powergen.
AP: So, there were these two nuns in the bath...
FB: Charles you'll have to prise my crown out of my cold dead hands.
HD: (singing) I'm a killer Queen!
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