- HD - Hugh Dennis
- CA - Chris Addison
- SF - Stewart Francis
- AP - Andy Parsons
- AV - Ava Vidal
- SW - Seann Walsh
Unlikely Lines From a Superhero Film
SF - Worry not, Procrastination Man is here! Where is everybody? What's with all the blood? (whistles)
AP - Catwoman, what did I tell you about not shitting in next door's garden?
HD - I am Big Society Man! I could do it for you but I'd much rather you did it yourself.
CA - Prepare to meet a new breed of sex change superhero in the Ex-Men!
AV - Yes, I do believe a man can fly, but only if he's carrying under 100ml.
SF - I am Parking Review Man! Where's my cheque?
HD - (Walks up behind Stuart and smiles creepily at the camera).
CA - Wow, Iron Man, how did you get all the creases out?
SW - Just call the police.
AP - Is it a bird, is it a plane? Well if you don't know that, then what the hell are you doing in Air Traffic Control?
HD - What use is a spider's web against me! Duster Man and Hoover Boy!
CA - (As Christopher Biggins) Hello! I'm Batman Biggins!
AP - I'm sexist, I'm racist, and I drive like an arsehole. I am White Van Man!
SF - (To Dara) Do I, should
- Dara - Yeah, yeah, do it
- SF - THIS IS PART OF IT!
- Dara - Oh shit!
Unlikely Things For a Continuity Announcer To Say
HD - And now to upset children everywhere, it's Peppa Pig... in pepper sauce.
CA - Ahh God, oh God, ohh--- and Nigella will be back at the same time next week.
SF - Up next, Ryan Giggs appears on Footballer's Wives.
AP - Next up on Channel 4, live from Switzerland, it's Come Die With Me.
SW - And now for a special episode of Planet Earth where six chimpanzees will watch David Attenborough have sex.
HD - And now is the time I have to be extremely careful because the next programme is about Roald Dahl, genuis behind Willy Wanker's... bollocks.
AV - Next on the History Channel, World War Two in Colour. Look away now if you don't want to know how it ends.
AP - Just to clear up some confusion for our regular viewers, ITV2+1 is not the same as ITV3.
HD - First, though, there's a serial killer on the loose... in Balamory.
AP - If you've been affected by some of the issues in EastEnders, they must have been acting it better than they usually do!
SW - And now, Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares for the hard of hearing. (Quickly makes obscene gestures).
CA - You're watching the Dignitas Channel. For God's sake, don't press the red button!
AP - Next up, it's Bargain Hunt, which is also rhyming slang for the bloke who presents it.
HD - Right now, Kate Humble's in the lambing shed. Ohhhhhhhhh.