- HD – Hugh Dennis
- AP – Andy Parsons
- EB – Ed Byrne
- JW – Jack Whitehall
- MJ – Milton Jones
- MF – Micky Flanagan
Unlikely Questions From This Year's Exam
HD - Discuss the meta-physical meaning of the following poem: "My friend Billy has a ten-foot willy."
EB - Would you like this exam to be a) Multiple Choice, or not?
JW - The Brontë Sisters: Shag, marry, push off a cliff?
MJ - Discuss the following: The Nazis got all their ideas from the History Channel.
MF - Who's the chap in the A-team that would not get on the airplane? Was it A.B. or B.A.?
AP - If a bank loses 60 billion pounds in a six-month period, using numbers that you've plucked out of thin air, work out what the Chief Executive's bonus will be.
HD - Napoleon: A small man, or a long way away?
MJ - Quantify N in terms of Q when Q is a positive integer that dissects a parabolic curve-- (mockingly) how's your lucky pencil case now? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh?
MF - What's the name of that round thing that they throw in the Olympics? Discuss.
JW - Poetry: (high pitch voice) Is it all a bit gay?
HD - Draw a diagram of the genitalia of a male elephant. Use all 30 sheets of paper provided.
EB - Biology: Without singing, what is the knee bone connected to?
AP - Explain the use of juxtaposition in Macbeth. Alternatively, write down everything you know about Macbeth in a blind panic, cause you've got no idea what the word "juxtaposition" is.
JW - Drama, Question 1: What was it that first made you want to become a waiter?
HD - What is your PIN number?
Unlikely Things To Read On A Motorway Sign
AP - To Middlesborough, take the exit marked "Hell" and then lose the will to live.
MJ - Accident. You were one. Love, Mum and Dad.
HD - When lights flash, dogging is about to start.
EB - There may be trouble ahead. Prepare to face music and dance.
JW - You are now 200 metres beyond the junction your piece of shit Sat-Nav is telling you're approaching now.
MF - For those of you who are looking for more safety tips, text now.
MJ - Beware: Giant scissors coming towards you along the dotted lines.
HD - Turn on lights in tunnel. They're on the right just above the entrance.
AP - Turn off the Sat-Nav. Use the force, Luke.
JW - The North: Where the men are real men and so are quite a lot of the women.
EB - If you can taste this sign, it means you have crashed into it.
AP - Throw banana skin behind car now. Super Mario and Diddy Kong approaching from rear.
MJ - There was a young man from Preston who tried to drive to Heston. The sign wouldn't rhyme and he plowed into the back of a juggernaut.
MF - Pick us up a pint of milk, Tel. Thanks, Trace.