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Scenes We'd Like To See
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Category · Infobox

Series 1
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
Full list of scenarios

Series 2
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6
Full list of scenarios

Series 3
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6
Full list of scenarios

Series 4
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
Full list of scenarios

Series 5
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 6
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 7
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
Full list of scenarios

Series 8
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
2010 Sport Relief Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 9
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 10
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
Christmas Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 11
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
Full list of scenarios

Series 12
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Compilation Episode
Christmas Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 13
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Compilation Episode
Christmas Special
New Year's Eve Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 14
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 15
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Christmas Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 16
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 17
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Christmas Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 18
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Templates
Link to an edition of the round
Link to a specific scenario
TOC for scenario lists

The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the eleventh episode of the twelfth series.

Key Edit

  • HD - Hugh Dennis
  • MJo - Milton Jones
  • SW - Seann Walsh
  • AP - Andy Parsons
  • JW - Josh Widdicombe
  • MJu - Miles Jupp

Topics Edit

Unlikely small ads Edit

AP - Do you want a larger penis? Beach volleyball, tonight on BBC1.

MJu - For sale: Four hundred jars of mayonnaise. Would suit the sort of person who's not that fussed by best before end dates.

JW - For sale: One pack of Polos. Unopened, mint condition.

HD - Sperm donors wanted. Please come quickly.

MJu - For sale: Horse. Would make excellent pet or pâté.

SW - Wanted: Someone to kill my dad so I have an X Factor backstory.

MJo - Lost, boomerang, last Thursday, somewhere oh wait it's coming back to me now.

AP - For sale: Dwarf jacuzzi. Could also be used as a foot spa.

HD - For vasectomy, liver suction and all small cosmetic operations, call Phil the overambitious tree surgeon.

MJo - Cleaning lady, £8 per hour or until lady is clean.

SW - Wanted: spessing lissons.

AP - Do you want your house to smell nice and spice up your sex life? Then why not try Glade Butt Plug-Ins.

JW - Goodbye dad, rest in peace. And perhaps if you hadn't gambled away all our money, this would be in obituaries.

HD - Wanted: New subject for Scenes We'd Like To See.

Unlikely Things To Hear On Crimewatch Edit

AP - The police have said it's OK for the public to approach the gunman as he's sawn off the wrong end of the shotgun.

MJo - Hopkins has committed various food hygiene offences and there is now a Bounty on his head.

HD - And now a case of Grand Theft Auto. Someone has stolen the case of my Grand Theft Auto.

AP - The victim was marched to the cash-point and made to draw out £300. That's the last time he forgets his wife's birthday.

MJu - Goodnight and remember, don't shave white bears. No that's not it.

MJo - We believe the occult to be involved in this crime. This is the victim's phone and the last number is 666. Hang, on it's upside down.

JW - Were you at... No I fucked that... Were you at Yates-- oh my god that's a difficult one

Andy: Yes!

Josh: Were you in Weatherspoons?

HD - A computer fraudster this week got away with 9 million nectar points. Police are looking for a disappointed man with one new wine glass.

MJo - Well that's all we've got time for on Crimewatch. We've talked about some serious things. But remember, don't have--- BLAAA!!!!

HD - Sometimes victims of crime don't even know they've been robbed because they use the items taken so infrequently. Take Dara O'Briain. Burglars stole his legs six months ago.

JW - Were you at Yates wine lodge at... Unbelievable, genuinely unbelievable.

SW - Were you at Yates' wine lodge? I don't bloody believe it. I can't believe my bloody eyes.

AP - Well we've filed that post office robbery. They charged me £4.50 to send a parcel second class.

JW - This afternoon, £10,000 worth of cocaine was stolen. Can whoever took it put it back in my dressing room?

SW - No, I don't know who took it. You know I don't.

MJu - Well, we hope that reconstruction jogged a few memories. If not, well, we've needlessly killed four more people.

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