The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the Christmas special episode of the thirteenth series.
- HD - Hugh Dennis
- EB - Ed Byrne
- JA - James Acaster
- AP - Andy Parsons
- SP - Sara Pascoe
- JW - Josh Widdicombe
Unlikely things to hear at Christmas
EB - I've burned the turkey and I'm shagging your brother. I'm joking, the turkey's fine.
AP - Come and have a look at my yule log. That is definitely gonna need two flushes.
HD - (in a drunken voice) So if the turkey is sitting in granny's seat, what did I put in the oven... and where did I shove that stuffing?
SP - Dad, you don't need to get me a present, they've cut death taxes.
JA - Yeah, Pau,l remember that couple we put up in the manger who gave birth to the messiah? They've destroyed us on TripAdvisor.
AP - No daddy, Santa Claus is definitely giving me that gun I wanted for Christmas, 'cause when I sat on his lap I could feel it in his pocket.
JW - And Santa was particularly nervous as he approached the chimney of the Pistorius residence.
AP - I don't know what happened. The puppy was alive when I wrapped it!
HD - I've got you two things for Christmas, darling: A new life insurance policy and this. Don't open it until I'm a long way away.
JA - Well, A, that's your Christmas and birthday present and B, yeah I've just gaffer taped a birthday cake to a Christmas wreath. Merry Birthmas!
EB - Now, Granny, we don't call them that anymore. Oh sorry! Yeah, I'll have some eggnog.
HD - Yes, we're having turkey with all the trimmings from your father's beard.
EB - No, I'm not saying you haven't made an effort. I'm just saying I didn't realise Pot Noodle did a turkey flavour.
JW - Ah, I knew they cared. They've sent me an e-card!
HD - I understand you do Fairtrade presents. I'd like to swap my wife for an iPhone 6.