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Scenes We'd Like To See
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Category · Infobox

Series 1
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
Full list of scenarios

Series 2
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6
Full list of scenarios

Series 3
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6
Full list of scenarios

Series 4
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
Full list of scenarios

Series 5
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 6
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 7
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
Full list of scenarios

Series 8
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
2010 Sport Relief Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 9
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 10
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
Christmas Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 11
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
Full list of scenarios

Series 12
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Compilation Episode
Christmas Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 13
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Compilation Episode
Christmas Special
New Year's Eve Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 14
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 15
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Christmas Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 16
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 17
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Christmas Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 18
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 19
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13
Full list of scenarios

Series 20
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6
Full list of scenarios

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The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the second episode of the thirteenth series.

Key[]

  • HD - Hugh Dennis
  • RB - Rob Beckett
  • GD - Gary Delaney
  • AP - Andy Parsons
  • SP - Sara Pascoe
  • JW - Josh Widdicombe

Topics[]

Things You Won't Hear At The World Cup[]

RB - No one's guaranteed a star in this England team. The only thing that's now all on is Wayne Rooney's hair.

HD - Oh, that was a horrible two-footed lunge, but it was the only way I could shut Phil Neville up.

GD - And now our cameraman is gonna pick out some of the plainer girls in the crowd.

HD - Let's look at possession. Yes, seven Colombians have been arrested for it...

Dara - (getting out of his chair) Hang on, hang on, just one thing, I'm sorry - this one side is doing it all the time. I'm so sorry, right. You two, you're kind of hogging it a bit, so for the rest of the round, I'm sorry, you're just gonna have to. (sprays vanishing spray in front of GD, HD and RB) Things you won't hear at the World Cup! (hums "Aquarela do Brasil")

AP - It's the first time most people have ever seen Dara's legs, ladies and gentlemen.

AP - That's Messi, oh Messi. Yes, Wayne Rooney should never have a half-time orange unsupervised.

JW - There's little doubt now that Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the world's all-time greatest twats.

SP - Welcome to Sugarloaf Mountain, the hardest levels on Candy Crush.

GD - And that's a very soft tackle as Pele hasn't taken his tablets yet.

HD - Is he the finished article? That's the question. He did very well against Italy but Sterling has traditionally performed very badly against the Dollar and the Yen.

AP - And now we go over live for Nigeria against the Ivory Coast, and our commentator, Ron Atkinson.

RB - You join us here in Brazil where it's still fuckin' well 'ot.

SP - Hey, who's heard what's going on in Iraq?

AP - There's six Brazilians in the wall and two in the foundations. That's the mafia for you.

JW - Four years later, Paul the octopus is back. And what a stew he made.

HD - Andrea Pirlo, the only player in world football to be named after the Palestinian Liberation Organization.

Unlikely Things To Hear On A Cookery Programme[]

RB - No, no, no, that's the flour, Nigella. (sighs)

AP - You've got to be very careful when handling raw meat, but if your wife does come in, close the laptop, pull up the trousers, and feign ignorance.

JW - The thing to remember when making your own pesto is you're wasting your time.

HD - So, pop in a lemon, shove in the stuffing, sew up the mouth, and that should keep Gregg Wallace quiet for a bit.

GD - No I'm afraid those aren't bacon bits. I've just got a bit of eczema at the moment.

SP - If you add vodka into the tomatoes it really brings out the flavour. And if you add it to your wine you can pass out before the kids get home.

HD - You should be able to get the ingredients for this anywhere. They are goat's horn, chervil, and the frozen tears of an elf.

AP - I'm Antony Worrall Thompson. Today we're going to be needing salmon, noodles, and parsley, so I'm going to nip down to Tesco and shove 'em up my jumper.

RB - That's enough cooking, next up we've got some twat trying to flog a book.

SP - Mmmmm, does anyone know what's happening in Iraq?

JW - Welcome to Chinese Meals In Minutes. (Imitates talking on a phone) I'll have a nineteen and some prawn crackers.

HD - So alternatively it's Gas Mark four for twenty minutes. You're watching Dignitas television.

JW - This asparagus smells delicious. Now imagine what it tasted like when I ate it yesterday.

AP - After MasterChef, Celebrity MasterChef, and MasterChef: The Professionals, now it's MasterChef: The Only Five People In Britain Who've Not Been On MasterChef.

GD - We'd like to apologise for the misprint in this week's Radio Times. Paul Hollywood is, in fact, a massive cook.

JW - We only use the freshest ingredients, so this is Daisy and this is a stun gun.

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