- HD - Hugh Dennis
- RR - Romesh Ranganathan
- GD - Gary Delaney
- AP - Andy Parsons
- TS - Tiff Stevenson
- JW - Josh Widdicombe
Unlikely Things To Hear At The Dentist's
AP - I think you may have to wear braces. It's just that you're very fat and your trousers keep falling down.
HD - I'm just a bit surprised, that's all. When I said spit it out, I wasn't expecting you to say you were shagging my wife!
JW - (Imitates talking on phone) Hello, is that Mr. Chang? We need to change your appointment. No, we can do 2:15 or 2:45.
GD - Welcome to Dick Van Dyke the dentist. I'm afraid it's worse than bad breath. You've got supercalifragilisticextremehalitosis.
HD - I wouldn't say your root canal is in a bad way, but I've just found a shopping trolley in it.
RR - Do you want a lollipop for being such a brave boy? Of course you do that's why your teeth look like Cheesy Wotsits, you little prick!
JW - And now if you inhale the gas and try and guess what I had for breakfast.
HD - Yep, you're right, they are false. Had a good feel while she was unconscious.
GD - (makes screeching noise) No, don't worry, that's not the sound of the drill. It's just that my receptionist's a Scouser.
AP - Your dental hygienist will see you soon. She's just going for a shit.
HD - Upper right six. Lower left seven. Sorry, I'll be with you as soon as I've finished this game of Battleship.
TS - Can I think of a celebrity who's veneers I'd like to copy? Probably Princess Monaco of Kent.
JW - Why do I want a crown? Well I'm Princess Monaco of Kent.
GD - This is most unusual madame, you don't seem to have any teeth at all. What's that? You're here for a smear test? That's next door.
Unlikely Lines From A Children's Book
TS - And Sleeping Beauty slept for a hundred nights. In fairness, it had been a massive bender.
HD - "Ah, Black Beauty," she said. "I'm glad I bought you rather than the Rampant Rabbit."
RR - The dragon looked at him scarily. Little hobbit stepped up to him and said "Hello, I'm Josh Widdicombe."
AP - "What big eyes you have Grandma," said Little Red Riding Hood. "Yes," said Grandma, "I'm off my tits on methamphetamine."
GD - You do not like green eggs and ham? Well tough. This is a Wetherspoons.
TS - Mr. Toad, Ratty, and Badger all went on an adventure in the motor car. Then Mr. Toad accidentally said something racist on camera and was on his final warning from the BBC.
HD - "I bet you wish you were like me. I fall over all the time and I never hurt myself," said Mr Bounce. "Oh fuck off," said Mark Cavendish.
JW - And behind the jumpers and the coats at the back of the wardrobe there he was: Julian Assange.
RR - I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow you for £5.
HD - "Well what should we call our baby?" said Mr. Dizzy. "Oh let's think," said Miss Rascal.
GD - Spot wondered why he'd been placed into the sack with the brick. But either way, this was gonna be the best trip to the canal ever.
AP - The Fat Controller went on a business strategy course and from then on he wanted to be known as the Horizontally Gifted Chief Operations Manager.
RR - "Well, Cinderella," she said. "I'm your fairy princess, Princess Monaco of Kent."
JW - Charlie couldn't believe he was being allowed into the chocolate factory. His girlfriend had been dead against it for years!
AP - It was maybe because Mr. Tickle could reach around doorways and through windows that he came to the attention of Operation Yewtree.
RR - And then you just have to try and pay your mortgage off before you die. Good night son.