- HD - Hugh Dennis
- EB - Ed Byrne
- GD - Gary Delaney
- AP - Andy Parsons
- SP - Sara Pascoe
- JA - James Acaster
Unlikely Film Trailers
HD - (deep voice) A man, a man who only wants one thing: Strepsils.
AP - In his toughest assignment yet, Peter Parker has to pick a peck of pickled pepper corn.
SP - Drama. Intrigue. Romance. Gardening. Spoons. All these and other words in Dictionary: The Movie.
GD - All your favourite administrators are back in Human Resources 2: This Time, It's Personnel.
EB - When a hairpiece gets possessed by the devil, there'll be Hell Toupee.
HD - He loved sex. But he has no arms. Which position will he choose? Missionary Impossible.
JA - If you see one film this year, then you're probably a new parent.
GD - It was a story that crossed the species barrier. He was a man, she was a cow. Coming soon, Beef Encounter.
JA - Coming soon, a 3D film where you don't get bored halfway through and lift up the glasses just to see what the screen looks like without it.
SP - Every Year I Love You More, starring Michael Jackson and Benjamin Button.
EB - Coming soon, a story of premature ejaculation.
AP - The Grand Budapest Hotel. "Brilliant": The Times. "5 Stars": The Guardian. "The beds weren't made": TripAdvisor.
JA - Part man, part machine, part bird, part drum. It's Robo-Bongo-Cuckoo-Cop.
HD - A group of Greeks try to get away with their money. Chicken Run.
EB - My Dad Pictures presents: Your Man, I know from something, anyway him, And a woman, I think she was in ER, maybe it was House, she was definitely a doctor, join forces to fight I know him, he's gone awful old looking, hasn't he?
HD - It's the bromance of the year. Ed and David Milliband star in What The Fuck Was The Point Of That Then?
Unlikely Things To Hear On The Radio
SP - Mime.
AP - I'm sorry for that small pause just at the end of the record there, only my shit took much longer than I expected.
HD - This is top DJs in the 1970s! Prison radio has never sounded so good!
AP - A hideous car crash has occured at the end of the A19. It's called Doncaster.
JA - Another shipping forecast, issued by the Met Office. 23, 43, on Saturday the 8th: It's going to piss it down.
AP - You're listening to BBC Wiltshire because your car radio has lost reception to what you were listening to.
EB - And next up on The Archers, there's an axe murderer on the loose. Not really, someone has an argument with their housekeeper.
GD - Travel news. A coach load of origami enthusiasts has broken down on the M1. And they're all currently sat on the hard shoulder making paper models of cars. Traffic is described as stationary.
HD - You're listening to Saga radio. You're listening...
EB - Lidl, Aldi. Later, Tesco. This concludes the shopping forecast.
SP - Have you been injured at work? Maybe you should turn the radio off and concentrate properly on what you're doing.
JA - But, you're dead. We're all dead, we've been dead from the beginning. You've been listening to the final ever episode of The Archers.
EB - Next up on Gardener's Question Time, I'll be trying not to laugh like a schoolboy when a woman phones in with a box hedge.
GD - This is local radio, it's 4am and no one's listening, let's play "Say Something Racist Roulette".
HD - Due to tomorrow's BBC strike, tomorrow's Today programme will be today's Today programme but called Yesterday.
AP - Sometimes when you listen to the radio, there's a tune that can't get out of your head. Plays again, and again, and again... sort of gets faster, and faster, and faster, and finally it comes on! (Entire panel does Greek dancing)