- HD - Hugh Dennis
- EB - Ed Byrne
- RB - Rob Beckett
- EG - Ed Gamble
- SP - Sara Pascoe
- RR - Romesh Ranganathan
Unlikely Lines From A Blockbuster Movie Edit
HD - I cannae hold it captain, I cannae hold--- oh, no, I'll put it in the cupholder until she cools down.
RB - Luke, I am your father...I think. Your mum went through about three Stormtroopers before me.
EB - Good news, Lord Vader: the Rebels have voted 55 to 45 to stay within the Empire.
EG - I am Thor, protector of Asgard, God of Thunder, and I have lost my hammer. Pray tell, where in this Wickes can I buy a new one?
RR - Nobody puts baby in a coma.
SP - Is it raining? I hadn't noticed. And now over to Stewart with the sports.
HD - You're right Frodo, this is an unexpected journey. We're on a replacement bus service.
EB - You know what, I never liked Private Ryan. I say "Fuck him."
RB - In a dystopian future, one lone man emerges, intent on destruction. For more on the budget, tune in to News Eye at 10.
RR - Say hello to my little friend! This is Warwick Davies.
EG - I see dead people... all the time, I work at Dignitas.
SP - In all the Wetherspoons in all the world, he had to walk into mine. Tall fella, answered to the name of Dara, said I'd recognize him from the back of a Megabus.
HD - This is the furthest outreaches of the universe, Alpha Centauri. How did they get to host the World Cup?
RR - Are you lookin' at me? Are you lookin' at me? It's just very difficult to tell, you've got a lazy eye.
RB - I'm afraid it's bad news, Dumbledore: the Ofsted inspectors have arrived.
EG - They brought the dinosaurs back to life. Welcome to the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.
EB - What's wrong, Batman? Umm, well Robin's dead. Catwoman just dragged him in and tore his guts out. It still at the foot of me bed.
HD - Ant-Man... It's me, Dec Man!
Unlikely Things To Hear On A Travel ProgrammeEdit
HD - Look at these wide, sandy beaches, fantastic. And we're almost certain the Ebola has now gone.
RR - And the most wonderful thing about a trip to China is you get the opportunity to meet the child that made your trousers. Yeah, I said it!
RB - Southend is a lot like Las Vegas: it's the only other place in the world where you can pay for sex with chips.
HD - This is Taiwan. I've given him a number because I can't pronounce his name properly.
EG - I'm Danny Dyer, and welcome to Italy's Quaintest Vineyards.
SP - Now, if you are traveling to America, remember to pack some anti-sickness tablets, because this is where Piers Morgan lives.
EB - Running, cycling, rock climbing: you'll do anything to get out of this shithole.
RR - The accomodation, the weather, the food, all of these wonderful things help you to forget how smelly the locals are. Yeah, I said it!
HD - Today, we've got a flavor of Thailand with just a little bit of Iraq. I'm in a branch of Tie Rack.
EB - This week I'm in Kyrgyzstan, answering your questions, like "How do you spell it?" and "Where the fuck is it?"
SP - So here we are in Lewisham. Now it is a very impoverished area, but there's a lot to see and do, if what you like seeing and doing is crime.
EG - This truly is the best way to see Portsmouth: while looking at a picture of it when you're in Paris.
HD - I'm almost certain my producer has got this wrong. I'm on a train to Leyton with a load of football fans. This is the Orient Express.
RB - Something about travel. Yeah, I said it!
HD - This is Keflavik, one of Iceland's oldest geezers. You all right, mate?
RB - When you arrive, why not try island hopping? Or as it's also known, Riverdance.
EG - When you travel, it's important to immerse yourself in the culture. So here I am in Mali being fingered outside the Lamb and Flag.