- HD: Hugh Dennis
- JW: Josh Widdicombe
- GD: Gary Delaney
- EG: Ed Gamble
- TS: Tiffany Stevenson
- NK: Nish Kumar
Commercials That Never Made it to Air
TS: Mr Muscle: Loves the jobs you hate.. apart from blowjobs, he doesn't do blowjobs.
HD: I used to wash with Dove. But the feathers came off and the beak was scratchy.
JW: Peperami: It's a bit of an animal. I'm guessing the anus.
HD: Four hoof marks and a large pile of poo. That's the sign of the Black Horse.
GD: Megabus: The only bus company endorsed by Dara O Briain.
NK: Lynx: For when you want to smell like a virgin.
EG: Are your pets so wonderful that they're actually tiring you out? Have a break, have a Shit Cat.
GD: Tesco penis extensions: Because every little helps.
HD: At Debenhams, we've kidnapped the John Lewis penguin. And if you don't shop with us, we'll kill him.
TS: Pedi-Egg: (Lancashire accent) Collects foot shaving like a bastard!
EG: Abby has strong teeth, boundless energy and a shiny coat. She's the best prostitute in London!
JW: Berocca: Start the day the right way, with luminous piss!
EG: There's now a free gift at the bottom of every box of Frosties: Type 2 diabetes!
GD: Uncle Tom's Rice: Like Uncle Ben, but a bit more racist.
EG: Crack-flavoured Pringles: Once you pop, you really can't stop!
NK: Have you been in an accident that wasn't your fault? Ahhh! Bad luck!
Unlikely Things to Hear in Hospital
TS: Welcome to the Jeremy Hunt Wing.
NK: Of course the influence of private companies hasn't affected the NHS, just ask my colleague, Dr. Pepper.
GD: And your cancer specialist today is... Noel Edmonds!
HD: Don't worry Mr Thomas, you won't be on that trolley in the corridor for much longer. We're taking it back to Tesco to get our pound back.
JW: I'm afraid we're going to have to pull the plug because it's wedged really high up there.
EG: He's gone into cardiac arrest! Get the defibulator... the defripulator.. the defrobul.. oh too late, he's dead.
NK: Yeah I know, I spoke to the person from NHS 111 and they were just really helpful.
GD: The good news is your father is comfortable. In fact, I've been sitting on him all morning.
HD: OK, lets call the time of death at 4:15. He's not dead, but it's a Friday so if we leave now we can beat the traffic.
TS: For goodness' sake, Mr. Wallace please take your penis out of there, that's not what "organ donor" means.
EG: This is the discussion group for people who've broken bones. Welcome to Snapchat.
JW: Now we're going to need to put you to sleep so I've got two tickets to see Dara O Briain live in Belgium.
HD: Is this Admissions? Good, cause I've got one. I shagged your wife.
JW: The good news is we're ready to take you into theatre. The bad news is, it's a theatre in Brussels.
HD: OK we need to shock him. Stick you're finger up his arse!
EG: We've given your wife gas and air, and by that I mean I farted and the nurse opened a window.