- HD: Hugh Dennis
- JA: James Acaster
- RB: Rob Beckett
- EB: Ed Byrne
- HW: Holly Walsh
- DB: Dane Baptiste
Unlikely Letters to TV Channels
RB: Dear National Geographic Channel: When will the Nazis be building some more megastructures? I can't wait for Series 2.
HD: Dear Boomerang TV: Why does my letter keep coming back?
HW: Dear Dave: You repeat Mock the Week so often, I swear I've seen Holly Walsh do this joke before.
JA: Dear Babestation: When are you actually going to show the film Babe?
DB: Dear Top Gear: Your show has nothing to do with cocaine.
EB: Dear ITV2: Is it actually possible to contract an STD just from watching Geordie Shore?
HW: Dear Netflix: I am so disappointed by how much buffering happens... (freezes)
EB: Dear History Channel: I really enjoyed your documentary about how panels were like 15 years ago--- Oh no wait, no, I'm watching Dave.
JA: Dear CBeebies: I have 3 beebies and my beebies love to watch CBeebies. From their Deedie.
HD: Dear History Channel: The past is the past, mate, you gotta let it go.
RB: Dear BBC: Your documentary on binge drinking really ruined my pre-drinks.
HW: Dear Dave: You repeat Mock the Week so often, I swear I've already seen Holly do this joke.
HD: Dear Al-Jazeera: Why no music from the Jazz era?
EB: Dear Babestation, what are you doing to mark the forthcoming centenary of women's suffrage?
HD: Dear Al-Jazeera: I wonder if we're related. Yours, Dave Jazeera.
Things You Wouldn't Hear in a Blockbuster Movie
DB: Tell me more, tell me more, did you... actually, don't tell us because we at the T-Birds don't do slut-shaming.
HD: Have you seen? Spiderman has been shot to pieces. It's all over the web.
JA: We have to save the president. Or depending on how the election goes, we have to save everybody from the president.
HW: Yo, Adrian!!! Sorry, I thought you were Adrian.
HD: Batman vs Superman: Late kickoff.
EB: Hey Optimus Prime, how 'bout transforming this box of shit into a decent script?
HW: Oh look, seven women in their 50s.
EB: But my children are stuck in there with a monster, we have to go back... and you know what, fuck 'em.
RB: He's already beaten Superman, and now it's time for his toughest challenge: Batman vs Rain Man.
HW: I'll be back, and if you're not in this time, you'll have to pick it up from the depot.
HD: There's good news and bad news, captain. We can't find Spock, but we have found Nemo and someone thinks they spotted Private Ryan.
RB: You struggling with those chopsticks? Use a fork, Luke.
DB: I'm Freddie, welcome to Elm Street. The nightmare: try to find affordable housing! Mwuahahaha!
JA: I will Kill Bill, or depending on what it goes by, Killiam William.
HD: I'm sorry James, we have to include the International Dialing Code. You're now 00447...
RB: I'm not gonna sponsor you for another 5k run, Forrest.
JA: The X stands for xylophone, and the Xylophone-Men don't take shit from nobody!