The following is a list of Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the second episode of the sixteenth series.
JA- James Acaster
HD- Hugh Dennis
EG- Ed Gamble
RJ- Rhys James
NK- Nish Kumar
ZL- Zoe Lyons
Things You Wouldn't Hear In A Nature Show
HD- Well, that was a sticky moment. Last time I tickle a sperm whale.
EG- It has been said that male cows don't defecate, but as you can see, that's bullshit.
RJ- The best way to tell the difference between an Indian and an African elephant is that one of them is an elephant.
NK- Hello, I'm not an elephant. (RJ- Told ya.)
HD- The baboon is one of the most sophisticated primates-- Would you look at the ass on that?
JA- And the reason why geese fly in a V formation is to act as chevrons for airplanes.
NK- Coming up, a couple of rhinos banging and some monkeys fingerblasting each other on Extremely Blue Planet!
EG- And what a magnificent scene, the monkey is lifting the lion towards the sun and I'm being removed from the theatre for talking!
ZL- Dawn rises on the Serengeti. Dawn has no idea how she got there.
RJ- The gibbon is said to be the most frequent masturbator in the entire animal kingdom. We'll see about that...
NK- 'Allo, mates, I'm Danny Dyer, and welcome to Britain's Longest Dogs!
EG- The camel can walk across the sand because of it's toes, or scientists call them, "fanny outlines."
JA- Here we have a tiger happily eating Frosties. Tonight's episode is dedicated to the memory of our cameraman, Charles Frosties.
ZL- And here we have two majestic birds of prey, or nuns, as they're also called.
JA- Here we have a woodchuck, also known as a groundhog, which begs the question "How much ground could a groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground?"
RJ- As the three lions circle the female, we ask when will footballers learn that no means no?
HD- The crab scuttles into view. I should have used the special shampoo again.
EG- And today, we'll be talking about one of the largest land mammals to ever walk the earth: Your mum.
Unlikely Chat-Up Lines
HD- Nope, should have gone to Specsavers.
EG- Hello, name's Ed. What's it short for? I don't know, it's always been like that.
ZL- You had me at hello, which is why my friends think I'm a bit of a slag.
JA- Your father must have been a thief, AND I'M GONNA CATCH HIM IF IT'S THE LAST THING I'LL EVER DO, YOUR FATHER'S GOING TO PRISON!
HD- It's a loyalty card. Every ten shags, I buy you a present.
RJ- Hey, are you a parking ticket? Because I just picked you up on the street and now I can't afford to pay you.
JA- Love is blind, and so am I. Now let me feel your face so I can know you're not a munter.
NK- I'd say my approach to sex is a lot like the government's approach to Brexit: I go in hard and then pull out when I realize I have no idea what I'm doing.
RJ- Oh, so when you sit there licking your lips, that's "sexy", but when I do it, I'm "weird" and should "get off your lips".
EG- You look like a million dollars: Less impressive than you would have done ten years ago.
ZL- I like my men like I like... women.
NK- Hey girl, you must be tired 'cause you look real tired. Get some rest, lady!
RJ- I hope you're nothing like my ex-girlfriend. She was so demanding, always asking me to text her when I got in. That's how small my penis is.
HD- So, do you come here often... to this STD clinic?
EG- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together, which is why I was fired from my job as an English teacher.
NK- Roses are red, violets are red, you are red, the sky is red, I'm bleeding in the eyes.
RJ- You've got an arse that just won't quit, despite calling an election and losing a majority.
HD- You don't look like you did through the binoculars!
JA- If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me while I cry on your shoulder-- I'm so lonely, God, I'm so lonely.
ZL- On a first date, I always like to go Dutch. I don't mean I split the bill, but I'll do really kinky stuff in clogs.
JA- I like my women like I like my coffee: Always getting my name wrong.
RJ- If you were on an Indian menu, you'd have three chilis next to you... because you make me shit myself.