The following is a list of Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the fifth episode of the sixteenth series.
HC- Hal Cruttenden
ZL- Zoe Lyons
EB- Ed Byrne
EG- Ed Gamble
HD- Hugh Dennis
AB- Angela Barnes
Things You Wouldn't Hear On A Fitness DVD
AB- Yoga: It's just stretching for twats!
EB- Hello, I'm Dara O Briain.
HD- Welcome to Fitness With Teresa May. I'm Amber Rudd.
EG- I'm gonna make you sweaty and breathless! I've turned the heat up and hidden your inhaler!
HC- I'd like you to raise your arms to here (raises arms to around his chest) and then to here (raises them to his head) and then to there. (raises them over his head) Okay, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to take away your disability benefits.
ZL- And remember guys, pain is temporary, except for Tony, who got one of his nuts caught in the trampoline springs.
HD- This isn't gonna work, is it? You can't be bothered to leave the house.
EG- Stretch and release, stretch and release. Welcome to the penis enlargement workout.
AB- Can you feel the burn? Then I recommend cranberry juice.
HD- I never used to fit into this dress, but now I've had my penis removed...
EB- Oh yeah, you can feel the Byrne.
EG- (mimes holding something up) These used to be my trousers until I discovered the secret: Buying smaller trousers!
HD- Next, I'm gonna show you my pecs. There are thousands of them. I got assaulted by a chicken.
HC- Okay, let's work on those more unsightly areas, um, bums, tums, and Croyden.
EG- Okay, now we're gonna watch a Carry On film so you can work on your "Cor!"
ZL- And remember, girls, when it comes to weightlifting, what we're really looking for is a nice clean snatch.
EB- Come on, just stretch, reach for your toes, reach for them. Imagine your toes are made of chocolate, you fat fuck.
Things You Wouldn't Read In A Romantic Novel
EG- He pressed his lips to hers and slipped is tongue in. "That's not how you're supposed to do it!" shouted the other paramedic.
HC- He was everything a woman ever wanted in a man. He was 47, graying, chubby, slightly camp...
HD- He kissed her breast tenderly. "Oi," she said. "Get your own KFC bucket!"
AB- "Mr. Darcy is the eligible bachelor in the county," said Mrs. Bennett. "And he's hung like a fucking carthorse!"
EB- Everything was in place. The bubble bath had been poured, the chocolate was there, the scented candles had been lit. This was going to be the best wank ever.
HD- He put the chocolates down beside her. Silence, and then at last she spoke: "Unexpected item in the bagging area."
ZL- Six foot two and with shoulders so broad, they looked like they could carry the weight of the world, and a full lustrous mustache. Rebecca was a really unusual looking lady...
EB- He took her by the hand. "It's wonderful to see you again. The country air becomes you. Bosoms still heaving, I see-- Shit, did I say that last bit out loud?"
HD- I need to hear you say it again. Why? Why do you love me, Alexa?
HC- She had never had a menage-a-trois before, let alone with two famous brothers. They drove her wild all night with their cries of "To me! To you! To me! To you! To me!..."
ZL- Sophie looked absolutely beautiful in her flowing wedding dress. Admittedly, it was an odd choice to wear on a first date.
EG- When they left the bar, she saw him in a new light: Daylight, and he was disgusting!
EB- I want to see you shit in this bin.
- Dara: That, it does fulfill the criteria.
AB- Christian Gray turned to her and said "I'm gonna make you feel pain like you've never felt before." And he put Ed Sheeran's "Galway Girl" on repeat.
HC- As he gently removed her bra, she whispered (whispers) "Why are you wearing my bra?"
EG- "Oh, Mr. Darcy, you are so becoming!" "Really?" he replied. "Because I think it's you who will be coming!"