The following is a list of Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the seventh episode of the sixteenth series.
NK- Nish Kumar
EB- Ed Byrne
EG- Ed Gamble
MJ- Milton Jones
HD- Hugh Dennis
AB- Angela Barnes
Rejected Exam Questions
HD- Which of the following is not a hydrocarbon: Kerosene, Etheline, Comeoneileen?
AB- Welcome to your French exam. It's exactly the same as your English exam, but with tongues.
MJ- Post-graduate sociology: Your degree is good for driving a cab.
EG- Draw the male reproductive system on this toilet door.
EB- Why do mummy and daddy not love each other anymore? Was it something you did?
HD- Eton College A-Levels, Question 1: Is this the question your teacher showed you last week?
NK- If Teresa has 330 seats in the Parliament and then loses 13, how does she still have a job?
EG- Biology Practical, Question 1: (mimes unzipping his fly) Cock or ball?
HD- Psychology, Question 1: How are you gonna feel if you can't even answer this one?
MJ- Cornwall has no capital, false or Truro?
NK- Identify this novel from the following quote: "Welcome to Jurassic Park."
EG- Cockney Hard Man Exam, Question 1: What the fuck are you looking at?
HD- Theology: Is there a God? You better hope so. Look at this next question.
AB- What is the sexiest of all the dance moves? Please show your twerking.
HD- Nuclear Physics A-Level: Mark on a map where Guam used to be.
EB- Write an essay on your favorite hobby, but write it in foreign.
MJ- Who predicted the first fridge? Was it A. Nostradamus, B. Prepostradamus, or C. Defrostradamus?
EB- Theoretical physics: Discuss the theoretical possibility of time travel. You have one hour, starting three hours ago.
EG- Advanced Bully, Question 1: Dickheadsayswhat?
NK- Discuss the use of symbolism in the Of Mice And Men series, which are, of course, Of Mice And Men, 2 Mice 2 Men, and Of Mice And Men: Tokyo Drift.
Commercials That Never Made It To Air
EB- Pepsi! It'll do.
AB- Immigration: Loves the jobs you hate.
HD- Why do I use Pantene? Because my other nine pans are broken.
NK- MySpace. (sobbing) WE'RE STILL HERE! WHY DON'T YOU EVER VISIT US?!
EG- I'm sorry I slept with your sister at your granddad's funeral. Cards for any occasion at moonpig.com.
MJ- (on his knees) Are you under seven and can stand still along the road for a very long time?
AB- Introducing the new BMW Haemorrhoid series, because eventually, every arsehole gets one.
HD- Dove deodorant: Because no one likes a smelly dove.
MJ- Mmm. Nish Kumar. Sounds exotic. Turns out he's just a bloke.
EG- Nike now sponsor the panda mating program at London Zoo. Just do it!
HD- Have you thought about retirement? I have since the age of six.
MJ- Are you a woman who wants longer lashes? How about showing a bit of ankle in Saudi Arabia?
EB- Coffee: Just think it as like really shit cocaine.
EG- I'm sorry, Tiddles just ran into the road and I couldn't stop in time! You can see pictures of him at comparethesmearedcat.com.
NK- Nando's: It's basically a Sunday roast for brown people.
EB- Budweiser: For when you only sort of want a beer.
EG- Now with new lip-plumping technology: Camel toe pants! I'm ashamed of myself, alright?
AB- Mr. Kipling makes exceedingly good cakes, and he's not bad shag!
EG- Original Source mint shower gel: It smells nice, but it'll burn your dick off!