The following is a guide to Scenes We'd Like To See suggestions for the tenth episode of the seventeenth series.
EB: Ed Byrne
KG: Kerry Godliman
EG: Ed Gamble
LD: Larry Dean
HD: Hugh Dennis
AB: Angela Barnes
Things You Wouldn't Hear At A Party Conference Edit
KG: Mazel tov!
LD: Why are we having this conference in Blackpool? Two words: Cheap cocaine.
EG: Jeremy Hunt is having a heart attack! Is there a doctor in the house? Why are you laughing?
AB: So we'll be having one speech from a Remainer, a speech from a Brexiteer, another speech from a Remainer, another speech from a Brexiteer, and then Boris Johnson will drop his trousers. So that's in, out, in, out, shake it all about.
EG: What this conference has told me is that this party needs more women because the hotel bar last night was an absolute sausage fest.
EB: Welcome, delegates, to this year's Liberal Democrats conference (imitating echo) conference, conference, conference...
HD: So to those who say we have alienated too many groups in society to get elected, late me say this: Fuck off.
LD: I know some of you have been challenging my leadership, and to you, I say bring it on, ya bawbags!
EB: Some of said that the Labour party has lost contact with its working-class roots, but I say to these people the same thing I said to my driver this morning: "Do not address me directly!"
HD: So, now that we've sorted out Brexit...
EB: They told us Brexit was undeliverable, they told us was unworkable. But where are they now? They are outside with banners saying "I told you so."
AB: Right, it's the Green Party conference and now it's time to break for lunch. Who ordered the veal?
LD: I'm afraid Rees-Mogg can't be with us today. Something strung garlic at the threshold and he can't pass through.
HD: So everything is still on the table. Why has no one cleared the table?
KG: It's incredible to think that some people think of us as a cult. Anyway, could you all just line up while Jeremy Corbyn chooses his wives?
EG: Of course the Tories are like regular people! You should have seen us in the bar last night, Giles' wet nurse downed a whole bottle of port!
HD: We have had soft Brexit, we have had hard Brexit, but now we have a more digestable alternative: Ready Brexit.
Unlikely Lines From A TV Detective Show Edit
EG: (sniffs something) Hmm. Interesting. I think it might be fox.
KG: Sierra, Alpha, Disco, Poker, Nipple-- actually, I've got no idea what I'm talking about.
AB: After seven tedious seasons, things finally pick up on CSI: Salisbury!
LD: I want photographs of the body. I'll take an 8x10 canvas, a key ring, and a mouse mat.
HD: There are 16 different semen samples in this bed, Sarge. I should have read the TripAdvisor report on this hotel.
EG: And as you can see from the chalk outline, the victim had a tiny head and was sitting on a giant circle. Sorry, I think that's a disabled parking space.
KG: So your crime number is 100000-- Oh my God, you're our millionth customer!-- I'm really sorry what happened to your husband.
HD: Welcome to the new detective show from the Northeast, CS-Why-Aye: Newcastle.
KG: Two inches to the left and that bullet would have gone right through your eyeball. But as it is, it went through your other eyeball.
EB: (groaning) Oh god, I have to go to the morgue. He's always eating a sandwich. We get it. You're desensitized. Well done.
AB: Everybody get down, 'cause this is disco!
EG: Look, I am very sorry that your father never hugged you, but when I said "It's the police, open up"...
KG: Okay, what I suppose we can deduce is that either the victim was naked and extremely well-endowed or whoever drew this chalk outline is extremely immature.
LD: On the doll, please show me where you were grabbed by the President.
EG: Ms. Harris, I'm sorry I have to do this, but we want you to identify a body-- this body! No, but seriously, there is a body and we think it's your fiance.
LD: Fourteen bullet wounds to the head. Classic suicide.
EB: Oh wait! Maybe it's a man pretending to shit like a fox!
KG: Welcome to Sun Hill police station. I'm PC Every British Actor's First TV Gig and this is Sargent Too Ugly For Hollyoaks.