The following is a list of Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the fourth episode of the seventeenth series.
DB: Desiree Burch
EB: Ed Byrne
GM: Glenn Moore
MJ: Milton Jones
HD: Hugh Dennis
AB: Angela Barnes
Unlikely Film Trailers Edit
HD: "Stay at Chigwell Holiday Inn." "Essex Plumbers for your plumbing needs." "Visit our beautiful forest." Three billboards outside Epping.
GM: Autocorrect: The Movie, out knob in a cinema near yule.
MJ: Coming soon, a man in a loincloth who lives on top of a Christmas cake: Tarzipan!
GM: Coming soon to an illegal streaming site near you: jurassic.park_hd_cam_japanese_subtitles.mp4!
DB: Coming soon, the harrowing tale of women standing to harassment by illegal street racing in Me Too Fast, Me Too Furious!
HD: Trainspotting 2. We spotted two trains...
AB: This summer, Captain America, Iron Man, and Hulk sing "Kumbaya" while Thor shows you his new hammer in Avengers Assembly.
GM: This cinematic remake of Swan Lake is so powerful that it broke a man's arm.
EB: Coming this summer, the sequel to La La Land: Po Land.
AB: Jesse Eisenberg is Mark Zuckerburg in The Social Network 2: This Time It's Personal Data.
GM: She was a Hollywood actress in a sordid version of "Snog Marry Avoid". Winona Ryder: Win, Own, or Ride Her?
MJ: A Welsh thriller: (Welsh accent) The Dragon With The Girl Tattoo.
DB: Coming soon, a man who's been announcing it for the past three minutes, just do it already.
EB: Coming this holiday season: The Bug-Eyed Guy With The Clarinet In The Cantina In The First Film: A Star Wars Story.
HD: (American accent) Tonight, see six people working their asses off while one man just sits in a chair.
MJ: The following movie contains scenes of a cup of tea. It's rated PG.
GM: "I thought you said you couldn't drive." "I never said I couldn't drive, I just said up until very recently I wasn't allowed." Fast & Furious 9: Saudi Arabia Drift.
Things You Wouldn't Hear On A Cookery Show Edit
AB: You can of course make your own pasta if you've got too much time on your hands, you pretentious prick!
HD: Well, while we're waiting for the rice to cook, that'll take another five or six minutes, I'm going for a poo.
MJ: (Scottish accent) So I used to be one of those chefs that shouts and swears a lot, but then I discovered oven gloves.
GM: Today I'm using a Smeg fridge, which is just like a normal fridge that I don't clean regularly enough.
AB: If you're having trouble whipping them up into stiff peaks, have you tried gently cupping their balls?
EB: (drunk voice) Hello and welcome to Cooking After You've Come Home Pissed! Tonight, we're doing a Cup-A-Soup that's slightly past its best before date but tastes a bit better if you put some HP Sauce in it!
GM: Now try not to drizzle too much oil on the lamb or it will wriggle free and escape.
MJ: Now, I don't know about you, but I really love upside down pineapple cake, or as Australians call it, "pineapple cake". Or as Australian pineapples call it, (Australian accent) "The cake of death"!
HD: Well, I enjoyed this meal so much when I had it at a Parisian restaurant that I asked the chef what it was called. So this is my own version of "Fuck off, English".
AB: Ooh, these ginger nuts are soft and chewy and I can't stop going back for more and the rest of the honeymoon is pretty good, too. Love, Megan.
DB: Mary Berry is quite critical of this soggy bottom, but to be fair, in this heat, it's kind of unavoidable.
EB: (worse drunk voice) Welcome to another edition of Cooking When Pissed! So this week, you just stick it in the oven, turn it up to 190, have a nap. When the smoke alarm goes off, IT’S DONE!
HD: Well you may be wondering what is the perfect accompaniment to a scotch egg? Simple. Scotch sperm.
GM: Now my wife absolutely loves street food, but that's probably because I married a pigeon.
DB: Now usually for this recipe I like to use pork lardons, but my producer doesn't LISTEN, so I spent the entire morning making some pigs very happy!
MJ: So today, I'm going to be making banana wine, and I'm going to be pressing the skins with my bare feet. (trips and falls)
EB: (even worse drunk voice) THIS WEEK! This week, we're going to be tackling a very difficult dish which is the potato waffle that fell out of the packet months ago and has been stuck in the ice. First thing we need is a very sharp knife.
GM: Hello, I'm Nigella Lawson and welcome to The Non-Innuendo Cookery Hour where we'll be teaching you how to cock-- cook, dick, wank...