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Scenes We'd Like To See
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Category · Infobox

Series 1
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
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Series 2
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6
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Series 3
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6
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Series 4
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
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Series 5
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
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Series 6
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
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Series 7
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
Full list of scenarios

Series 8
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
2010 Sport Relief Special
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Series 9
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 10
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
Christmas Special
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Series 11
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
Full list of scenarios

Series 12
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Compilation Episode
Christmas Special
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Series 13
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Compilation Episode
Christmas Special
New Year's Eve Special
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Series 14
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 15
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Christmas Special
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Series 16
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 17
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Christmas Special
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Series 18
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

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The following is a list of Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the fifth episode of the seventeenth series.

KeyEdit

TI: Tez Illyas

KG: Kerry Godliman

EB: Ed Byrne

TA: Tom Allen

HD: Hugh Dennis

JA: James Acaster


TopicsEdit

Things You Wouldn't Hear on a Property ProgrammeEdit

HD: So, it's a two up, two down. That's unusual, but those are the testicles I was born with.

TA: Welcome to the show; we'll be looking at houses that have been designed by someone's nan. Yes, it's Gran Designs.

TI: Of course, finding something in London on your budget was very, very difficult, so this property does come with a bit of a commute. Welcome to Stoke.

EB: All property is theft! Good night.

JA: Bit mean, but we've put together a montage of first-time buyers being told about stamp duty for the first time.

KG: I begged Gary for an extension. He went and got a conservatory, I actually meant a penis enlargement.

JA: This week, Burt has bought a yurt, and that sentence alone makes this the most fun show we've ever done.

KG: Hi, I'm Kirstie Allsopp and this week I'll be patronizing more millennials. You can't have dreams and a second bedroom, wake up!

HD: Well, this used to be a railway station but there haven't been any trains here for nearly 40 years. It's Haywards Heath on Southern Railway.

EB: And Simon has converted this railway carriage into his very own office just by yelling into his mobile phone like an arsehole.

JA: This house was built on an ancient burial ground, which is why the episode has been hosted by me, the ghost of a hunchback Victorian boy trying to explain fixed-rate mortgages.

TA: Now this next property is about £50,000 over Philip and Susan's budget. Luckily though, Philip's grandmother has just died!

TI: Loads of notorious people live on these here branches: Piers Morgan, Katie Hopkins, Donald Trump. Sa... what, Escape to the Country? No, this is Escape to the...

HD: So, if you want to bright up your kitchen, turn the light on.

JA: Susan turned her two-bedroom house into a ten-bedroom house! By putting a bed in every room!

EB: I'm Danny Dyer, welcome to Let's Do This Gaff Up!

HD: Well, there you go. Immediately you can see how much roomier it looks without the old lady and the oxygen cylinders.


Unlikely Dating ProfilesEdit

HD: Do you want a man who is comfortable to say the word "love"? Call me, I'm a Wimbledon umpire.

KG: Hey, do you like it when two bodies come together and fall into great ecstasy? Me too. Let's find someone watching from the bushes.

TI: Once you go Asian, you'll never go Caucasian. True story.

JA: I like long walks on the beach, a pebble beach better. I love pain. I LOVE PAIN!

EB: Vegan woman in her 30s seeks vegan man for fun, companionship, and joyless dinners out.

JA: And would it impress you to know that I typed out this entire profile using my dick?

KG: Lady, aged 50, never married, loves books, gardening, knitting and long walks, seeks a gentleman who is kind and likes similar things. Must be hung like a hoover.

HD: Sensible man with Bingley Building Society Gold Account at 1.85% seeks woman with similar interests.

TA: Hello, I'm looking for a bloke called Dave, he's been hanging out in Nice, apparently got his trotters up.

EB: Man in his 40's owner of foldy-uppy bike, looking for any woman who's interested in me demonstrating my foldy-uppy bike. Look, it folds up!

HD: Ambitous man with no sense of work-life balance seeks woman... I haven't got time for this.

JA: You could say I'm a bit old-fashioned, in that I'm a phenomenal bigot.

HD: Man with huge belly seeks concave woman.

KG: Female, early 60's, high achiever, snappy-dressing leader of the Conservative Party, very horny, has the potential to fuck the whole country.

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