NK- Nish Kumar
SR- Suzi Ruffell
EB- Ed Byrne
RJ- Rhys James
HD- Hugh Dennis
AB- Angela Barnes
Unlikely Things To Write To TV Channels Edit
SR: Dear Channel 4, do you still work with that woman who inspects poo? If so, please forward this package to her.
HD: Dear Dave +1: Would the pair of you like to come to my wedding?
EB: Dear ITV2, I just watched an episode of Love Island and now I think my television has chlamydia.
RJ: Dear the news, I don't know how many times I will write this to you, but next time when you do the weather, will you please say "Spoiler Alert"?
NK: Dear The BBC, can you please get some right wing comedians on Mock The Week? 'Cause currently, they're all in Cabinet and they're making a real fucking mess.
SR: Dear Good Morning Britain, just writing to say what a brilliant job Piers Morgan's doing.
HD: Dear Alibi TV: Would you please tell the police I was watching you last week?
AB: Dear ITV3, why don't you just bite the bullet and call yourself "ITV Poirot"?
EB: Dear BBC: It's all sex and violence these days, so I've got very little time for watching the television.
AB: Dear Channel 5, I recently very much enjoyed your programme called My Penis Is So Big It Is Killing Me. Please could you pass on his phone number before I'm too late?
NK: Dear Channel 5, are you still there?
EB: Dear History Channel, well done on constantly showing Storage Wars. We were all fed up learning about Cleopatra and Hitler, we all wanted to watch bellends rummage through a locker of second-hand shite!
HD: Dear History Channel: My wife's getting suspicious, how do I delete ya?
RJ: Dear BBC, I saw a man flossing on one of your panel shows and now I want to kill myself.
Unlikely Things To Hear On A Travel Documentary Edit
NK: Hello, I'm not Romesh Ramganathan. Please stop coming up to me in the street. Thank you.
HD: Madagascar was wonderful and very surprising. The animals were real and none of them talked.
AB: It's amazing what you can pick up in this market in Vietnam. For instance, I've got herpes!
RJ: After a long journey, I'm here in Chad. Great to experience an authentic American frat party.
SR: Welcome to the brand new travel show about younger guys who want to date older women: A Place In The Sun While Banging Your Mum.
EB: New York, the Big Apple, the city that never sleeps. How I wish I was there instead of this shithole.
AB: This is a very volatile geyser, so do remember that before you interview Danny Dyer about Brexit.
HD: It has been a very harrowing two weeks but finally, the Thameslink has got me to Gatwick Airport.
NK: I'm here in India, where we'll be inspecting some of the country's famous curry trees.
SR: Your wife's left, your kids have gone, all your mates have sided with her, and she's even taken the dog. Welcome to Lonely Planet.
RJ: I'm here on safari in Africa and next to me is a lynx and... (sniffs) Yep, smells exactly like a 15-year old virgin.
EB: Paris is known as the City of Love, and it's easy to see why: It is wall-to-wall fanny.
AB: The Amazon Basin: Delivered last Friday, already leaking. Two stars.
RJ: This really is a once in a lifetime trip. I'm here at Dignitas.
HD: Siberia, one of the harshest terrains on Earth and surprisingly easy to get to. Just call Vladimir Putin a tosser.
RJ: And the locals let me swim with dolphins, which was their way of telling me I'm terminally ill.
EB: (acting stoned) The coffee shops of Amsterdam... (stares off until Dara presses buzzer) WHAT WAS THAT?!