The following is a list of Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the seventh episode of the seventeenth series.
RJ: Rhys James
TS: Tiff Stevenson
EG: Ed Gamble
NK: Nish Kumar
HD: Hugh Dennis
AB: Angela Barnes
Rejected Exam Questions
EG: If Tony is 35 and Jane leaves him after a seven year relationship, why did she waste the best years of his life?!
HD: This is a picture on Napoleon Bonaparte. Which part of Napoleon's boner is it?
EG: Biology: What happens when you stand on an upturned plug? Three marks.
TS: If a bus leaves London at 7 AM, how far will it get before Boris Johnson writes a lie on the side of it?
AB: Please open your biology question books where you will find an image of the male sexual reproductive organ. Mr. Tyler keeps doing that, that's why we've had to let him go.
NK: Why is Piers Morgan?
RJ: If an apple a day keeps a normal doctor away, how many apples would you have needed to defeat Harold Shipman?
EG: Translate the following into German: "Hello, I'm a British refugee. Please can I live in your country?"
TS: If I mix two parts ethanol with one Whitney Houston CD, will I get over my ex?
RJ: This is your PE practical exam. For thirty marks, bully that little pale boy until he has to become a comedian.
HD: Maths: 2, 4, 6, 8, who do we appreciate?
EG: And that concludes your French oral exam. Just pop your trousers up and I'll see you on Monday.
HD: Identify the white powder. Good, innit it, 30 grand a kilo...
NK: Alright, you Muppets! If 8x-y=12, then what's 3x over 4y? I'm Danny Dyer and welcome to Britain's Hardest Exams!
RJ: (after the panel notices Dara wearing googly eyes) How fresh is Dara really?
AB: What is the value of pie if you've just seen the bloke at Greggs pick it up off the floor?
NK: If a train leaves the station and it's operated by Southern Rail-- (laughs) Sorry.
RJ: So, you just turned 16, did ya?
Unlikely Lines From Kids' Films & TV Shows
EG: To me!
AB: Yes, Piglet, I know you've been playing with Pooh in the woods 'cause you stink and it's all over your hands.
RJ: The Brave Little Toaster's owner was about to take him on his wildest adventure yet: All the way to the brave little bath.
HD: "Blbklkblblbknyah-yee-eeow," said Pingu. "Sorry," said his mother, "What the fuck are you talking about?"
TS: This is Blue Peter and I think we all agree we should have taken him to a hospital by now.
EG: Oh, look, it's the Teletubbies, or as they're otherwise known, the fat family from Gogglebox!
HD: Thomas the Tank Engine was happy. He'd joined ThamesLink and didn't have to do anything for over a month.
AB: It's the family with eleven fingers and twelve toes, yes, it's The Inbredibles!
RJ: So it turns out "flowerpot men" is no longer politically correct and they will henceforth be known as Bill and Ben, the gays.
NK: Buzz, something's wrong with Woody! I keep pulling the string on his back and he keeps going, (singing) "White people..."
TS: Up next, In The Night Garden. Can you stop calling it that? It really puts me off.
RJ: Kung-Fu Panda: The least racist hero of all time as he is black and white and Asian.
EG: E.T. send nudes.
HD: Look, Bagpuss has been updated! Now he's Dyson Baglesspuss!
RJ: But Quasimodo, what makes you think you need to see a back doctor? Uh, I have a hunch.
TS: Harry Potter, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is I'm pregnant, the good news is I've learned the Abortus spell! That won't go in, that definitely won't go in.
HD: No, I'm Willy Wonga. Ten grand or I take your piano.
EG: Robin, do you know if Alfred has a charger for an iPhone 8? The Adventures Of Low Bat Man.
AB: What is Peter Rabbit doing in the garden? Mummy was sure she left it in her bedroom drawer.
TS: Spongebob went to the crab shack and met up with all his spongey mates and they could all agree that Contraceptive Sponge had had the worst day.
EG: This week on PAW Patrol, Rocky gets hit by a car and the driver has to finish him up with a rolled up A-Z!