The following is a list of Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the ninth episode of the seventeenth series.
RP - Rachel Parris
NK - Nish Kumar
KG - Kerry Godliman
EB - Ed Byrne
EG - Ed Gamble
HD - Hugh Dennis
Lines You Wouldn't Hear In A Superhero Movie
HD - I am Thor, and next year, I will be five.
EB - I've got you now, Catwoman. Your days of sitting on laptops and licking your own hole are over!
EG - Why am I green? Well, I'm made of kale, I am the Inedible Hulk!
RP - Ah, Superman, we meet at last... I can literally see your pants.
HD - Don't you call me a wanker, you're a wanker yourself! That's right, I am White-Van Man!
NK - (hoarse) I'm Batman, nice... (coughs) (normal) I'm Batman, nice to meet you!
EG - Yes, Peter, I know you're Spider-Man, but that definitely isn't "web" all over your laptop screen!
KG - Right, I'm Captain Marvel, and you're Captain America. One of us is gonna have to tell Captain Birds-Eye he's not in this gang! This whole place stinks of fish!
RP - Is it a bird? Is it a plane? This pilot's exam is harder than I was expecting.
EG - I have collected all the Infinity Stones, and I believe that means I'm entitled to a free coffee.
HD - It's the Fantastic Four-- oh no, it was stopped on the boundary, just a single.
RP - A full-body titanium suit with armoured plating? No thank you, I'll stick to the small metal bikini!
EG - Hi, Spider-Man, ya. no, no, no, I've got an STI, so when you say you were "swinging around New York", what exactly did you mean?
EB - Commissioner, you sent for me? Yes, Human Torch, I need to find something in the shed.
NK - I prescribe 50 milligrams of cheese and 60cc of cat hair! Benedict Cumberbatch is Doctor Strange.
KG - They call me Catwoman because I've got fur all over me and I stink of Whiskas and cat piss.
HD - Batman, come quickly! A Thai football team is stuck in the Batcave!
NK - (as the Joker) Why so serious?! Oh right, because I'm a scary clown with weird makeup and I'm holding a knife! Fair enough.
EB - I, Thor... I thaw a puttytat.
Unlikely Agony Aunt Letters
RP - Dear Deirdre, I heard there is a way to get red wine out of carpets. Please tell me, because I really want some red wine!
KG - My boyfriend says I'm obsessed with quizzes. Shall I, A: leave him, B: seek help, C: CARRY ON WITH MY OBSESSION?
EB - Dear Deirdre, I have an irrational fear of agony aunts. Please don't respond.
EG - Dear Deirdre, I don't get allow with my partner's children. Uh, they're my children as well but I don't admit to that because they're absolute dicks!
HD - I am a man in his 50's struggling with his work-life balance. Should I... sorry, got to go.
EB - Help, I'm in love with my wife's mother's daughter--- oh no, wait, that's my wife, it's okay, it's fine.
HD - (laddish voice) All that emotional stuff, is that agony? I once caught my bollocks in a lift door.
KG - Dear Deirdre, I can't help putting my bike in other ladies' racks. Lovely Boris.
EG - Dear Deirdre, last week I had a car accident and now my girlfriend isn't speaking to me, and she cries all the time and now I feel really cold-- OH SHIT, I'M A GHOST!
HD - Dear Deirdre, I am embarrassed by the amount of noise my wife makes during lovemaking. To be fair, she doesn't know I'm still in the house.
EG - My girlfriend says I give up on things too easily. Oh well.
KG - Since my children left to go to university, my life feels so meaningful and rich. How do I tell them I won't want them to come home for Christmas?
EG - Dear Deirdre, my wife says I'm a fantasist and a compulsive liar. Well, she's one to talk. She doesn't even exist!
HD - I am a man trapped inside the body of a woman. It happened last night and neither of us dared call an ambulance.
RP - (Russian accent) Dear Deirdre, I am very into steeples.
EB - Dear Deirdre, my girlfriend reckons I should try and set a world record for masturbation. Do you think I can pull it off? (pulls a pose as the audience cheers)
RP - Dear Deirdre, in the daytime I come across as a really smart, cheerful guy whom everyone loves. But in secret, I am definitely a psychopath. Yours, Nish Kumar.
NK - Dear Deirdre, my wife says that I'm a serial philanderer and a sex addict. So I guess my question is, "What are you doing tonight?"
KG - I just got my first period. Should I be worried? Dave, 32.