Editing Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 18, Episode 10

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The following is a list of Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the tenth episode of the eighteenth series.

== Key ==
'''EB:''' Ed Byrne

'''KG:''' Kerri Godliman

'''CW:''' Chris Washington

'''MJ:''' Milton Jones

'''HD:''' Hugh Dennis

'''AB:''' Angela Barnes

== Topics ==

=== Unlikely Things To Hear At The Royal Variety Show ===
'''MJ:''' ''(in a Scottish accent)'' Hello, I'm Frankie Boyle!

'''HD:''' Our next act, Mr. Memory, couldn't be with us, he's in the Pizza Express in Woking.

'''KG:''' They asked me not to make any Prince Andrew jokes tonight and I said "Sure, no sweat."

'''EB:''' And for her next trick, the queen will make Prince Andrew's birthday disappear!

'''AB:''' At this point in the evening, I'd just like to ask the members of the royal family to put their rifles away as I welcome to the stage the cast of ''The Lion King''!

'''CW:''' At 93 years old, I think we all agree it's good to see her out of the house at this time of the year. Give it up for Madonna!

'''AB:''' Welcome Ginger, Baby, Sporty, Posh, and the other one. Yes, it's the Royal Family!

'''KG:''' Unfortunately, Prince Andrew is running late 'cause he's stuck in trafficking.

'''HD:''' Well, we're now gonna end this evening of royal entertainment in this magnificent theater in the traditional way: A flythrough from the Red Arrows.

'''MJ:''' It's now my privilege to introduce the rock band R.E.M. I've got a photograph of me with them years ago. ''(mimes holding up a picture)'' That's me in the corner.

'''HD:''' This next act needs no introduction. ''(walks back)''

'''EB:''' Yes, she bends, she twists, she contorts herself, but the queen cannot get out of her obligation to attend this shitshow.

'''MJ:''' And your card is what? The four of clubs? (''holds up a piece of paper with the number 4 on it)''

'''HD:''' I think you're going to enjoy this, Your Majesty. Our next act is a dog act. He uses corgis because they're exactly the right shape to fit in the cannon.

'''CW:''' Welcome to the stage Britain's premier OAP breakdancing group, Hip Op!

'''KG:''' No, Liz, why don't ''you'' shut the fuck up?

=== Unlikely Things To Hear At A Wedding Or Funeral ===
'''MJ:''' It was always Alan's dream to be buried with his wife. So this afternoon, we shot her.

'''CW:''' All the tables are named after mine and my wife's favorite films. I know it's quite crowded over there on ''The Human Centipede'', but if you all squeeze in together, you'll be fine.

'''KG:''' Ooh, thank you, no, I've had more than enough free Preseco.

'''AB:''' Yes, I know it's traditional for the bride to have something blue, I just don't think you should have dug up Grandma.

'''HD:''' Just because he was obese doesn't mean he can be buried with dignity. Gary, get the forklift!

'''EB:''' In life, he was a strong, confident, and capable man, excelled at everything he did apart from swimming, obviously.

'''AB:''' At least George died doing what he loved: heroin.

'''MJ:''' I know it's customary as father of the bride to give my daughter away, but I'd like to try something different. ''(rambles bids like he's an auctioneer)''

'''CW:''' And if you look on the back of today's order of service, you'll see a picture of Ethel when she was much younger. I think we'll all agree it's one for the wank bank.

'''KG:''' Today is not a sad day, it's a celebration because after all Trevor was a prick!

'''AB:''' Bride's side or groom's side? I don't know, I fucked them both.

'''MJ:''' Why she drove onto oncoming traffic, we'll never know. Perhaps Vera by name...

'''HD:''' Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, never Whatsapp while walking, he got hit by a bus.

'''KG:''' We choreographed our first dance because we are assholes.

'''EB:''' You know it's just this funny. No, I just realized it, it's just cause... I've never actually met a Scottish widow, you know it's like...

'''MJ:''' Sadly today, we all know exactly where Wally is.

'''EB:''' And I'd like to congratulate the bride's mother on how excellent she looks tonight, although not as well as she'd look ON MY DICK!

'''HD:''' My goodness. My goodness, yes, that is a lovely ring. Now pop your trousers back on.

'''EB:''' Does anyone else find there's a seriously inconsistent tone at this wedding or funeral?

'''HD:''' Raymond was a man of many parts. None of them worked, that's why he's dead.
[[Category:Scenes We'd Like To See]]