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Scenes We'd Like To See
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Series 1
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
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Series 2
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6
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Series 3
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6
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Series 4
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
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Series 5
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
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Series 6
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
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Series 7
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
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Series 8
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
2010 Sport Relief Special
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Series 9
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
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Series 10
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
Christmas Special
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Series 11
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
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Series 12
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Compilation Episode
Christmas Special
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Series 13
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Compilation Episode
Christmas Special
New Year's Eve Special
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Series 14
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
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Series 15
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Christmas Special
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Series 16
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
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Series 17
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Christmas Special
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Series 18
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

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The following is a guide to Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the fourth episode of the eighteenth series.

Key Edit

EG: Ed Gamble

KG: Kerry Godliman

GM: Glenn Moore

MJ: Milton Jones

HD: Hugh Dennis

RP: Rachel Parris

Topics Edit

Unlikely Things For A Sports Commentator To Say Edit

EG: Wimbledon, day three. Still not seen one fucking Womble.

KG: Pass. Pass. Pass. Another pass. Sorry, I'm on Tinder.

GM: Welcome to coverage of the first ever Willy Wonka Olympics, officiated by the umpire, the lumpire, and the dumpity dumpire.

EG: Oh, and that is some excellent curling. I have never seen a dog take a shit like that before.

HD: AND THAT WAS NINE POINT SIX SECONDS! (crying) Sorry, darling.

MJ: There is Hamilton! Hamilton is driving at 180 miles an hour! This is not the musical I expected!

GM: Welcome to the Tour de France, presented by Francis de la Tourdefrance.

HD: And now it is just Mo Farah against the clock which, doesn't seem fair! It doesn't even have legs, it is just a clock!

KG: And he's gone down in the box. Fair enough, it is her birthday.

GM: Well, after arriving at the wrong nation, England believe they have now arrived at the correct one. They think it's Moldova, it is now.

RP: (in a bored tone) And welcome to our fifth day at The Oval today. Don't it go on?

EG: And that is a clean entry, very little splashing, and a flick at the end. This really is the most impressive urine sample I have ever witnessed.

MJ: Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?

HD: Oh ho, the parachute has failed to open at 300 meters and you can't make mistakes like that at this level.

EG: This is the campest Grand National I have ever seen! Oh, sorry, it's the dressage.

RP: Has that crossed the line? She's calling HR, so I think it did.

HD: Oh, and he's scored! What a weekend Michael Gove is going to have!


Unlikely Lines From A Romantic Novel Edit

HD: "I know I promised you fellatio for your birthday," she said, "but they didn't have any, so I got vermicelli."

KG: "Ever since our night of passion, I've burned for you," she said. "Desire?" he asked. "No, cestitis," she said.

MJ: "Turn off the lights," she said. "What about all the boats?" said the lighthouse keeper.

GM: "I'm not the most sexually minded man," George told her, "and I know that the average man supposedly thinks about sex every dick suckings-- six seconds."

HD: "Be mine." Had she heard right? "No," he said. "B minus. This essay is shit."

EG: Anastasia Steele stood in front of Christian Grey dressed as a mummy. "I'm sorry," she said. "I thought you were into bandage."

RP: She'd never forget his first words to her: "Cheer up, love. Might never 'appen."

KG: He gasped as her hair cascaded down. Well, it was February. Who waxes in winter?

MJ: "Carry me upstairs," she said. "I'd rather not," said the lighthouse keeper.

GM: Simon sidled across the nightclub floor and used the one chat-up line he knew always worked: "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven-- LUCIFER?!"

KG: He was literally perfect in every way, as far as she could tell from the dick pic.

EG: He took off her top and did what makes all the girls go crazy. HONK HONK! BLBLBLBLBLB!

RP: "I wish I knew how to quit you," said Michael, honking another line of cocaine.

MJ: "Our relationship is on the rocks." (pause for laughter) "That's inevitable," said the lighthouse keeper.

KG: She felt the stranger's hands slide round from behind and gently cup her breasts. SHE'S A DOUBLE 38G, BARBARA! WE GONNA NEED THE MEGA CUPS!

HD: "I am with child," she said. "Yeah, but you're not actually a child, so it's still full fare."

KG: He stood before almost naked and slowly reached down. "No," she whispered, "leave your socks on."

GM: Molly was stunned as she reached into the bucket of popcorn next to her and grasped a big handful of her boyfriend's penis. After all, she'd gone to the cinema alone.

EG: At that moment she knew with butterflies in her stomach she was banned from the London Zoo butterfly house.

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