TA: Tom Allen
SD: Sophie Duker
EB: Ed Byrne
MJ: Milton Jones
HD: Hugh Dennis
AB: Angela Barnes
Unlikely Lines From A Horror Movie Edit
AB: Heeeeeere's Johnson!
MJ: I had goosebumps yesterday. Well, I am a goose and it was my birthday.
HD: (in a raspy voice) Welcome of the House of Horrors... Sorry, House of Fraser.
AB: So your name's Hannibal, and you're a cannibal. So what does your friend Hedophile do?
SD: Hey guys, it's me, your token black friend from the start of the movie! I survived!
HD: (groans and screams in pain) I'm sorry, I've just seen the price of this rail ticket.
AB: They call me Jigsaw because you have to be desperately bored to do me.
TA: Yeah, I've got a sixth sense, it's called style. Who wants to see dead people when you've got clothes like this?
MJ: The Return of the Mummy. Hey, come back! (mimes pulling something and chuckles)
EB: Your greatest fears are realized: Comedians are getting younger and you don't understand any of their references.
SD: It's alive! Enjoy your probiotic yogurt.
HD: NOSEFERATU!... Manchester City, 1.
EB: You know, maybe the real monster was the friends we met along the way.
MJ: So this is the very room where the jazz musician Fats Domino died. Apparently he collapsed onto a family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto...
SD: Now you've had sex, it will follow you wherever you go! I mean, sorry, congratulations on your new baby.
EB: Actually, the 4G coverage in these woods is actually pretty good.
MJ: What do you mean I can't buy a zombie? This is the body shop.
Unlikely Things To Hear In A Survival Show Edit
MJ: No, everyone's dead.
HD: I just love sleeping under the stars. Pavarotti was a bit tricky, though, he was massive.
SD: Nighttime and most of the gang are enjoying a grilled fish. Nigel the vegan is still foraging for falafel.
AB: Now these worms are actually edible and are a real good source of protein. Yet Brian still refuses to go down on me until I've seen a doctor.
EB: You can survive this. Just barricade yourself in the house, board all the windows, don't answer any questions, in four weeks, you'll be Prime Minister.
HD: Ben is all alone. He's fallen down a ravine and has no choice but to saw his arm off with a penknife while the camera crew watch him.
TA: And this is the last episode of Survivor because we've eaten Bear Grylls.
MJ: Three years I've been on this island with nothing to look at but the sea and the sand and that bridge-- (double takes as if he just noticed it)
EB: Under these conditions, you've got to sacrifice some creature comforts. Sometimes you wake up in the morning and know that the first thing you gotta do that day is put on wet socks. But, you know, you gotta wank into something.
SD: I'm here to teach you the essentials of bushcraft. You'll need a sharp knife, a mirror, and some Dimonte pearls for the vajazzle.
MJ: All you have to do is put a little string on the caterpillar's head and wait a couple of months, you've got a lovely little kite.
AB: And you can tell when the rare Irish bullfrog is ready to mate by its distinctive buzzing sound (buzzer) There it is.
EB: Dave is on the beach catching crabs off of Tracy. Welcome back to Love Island.
HD: There is no food here and there is no medicine, but he had a referendum and now we have to get on with it.
MJ: Remember, the duck's natural predator is the pancake.
TA: Well, tonight I'll be eating in the bush, which is a first for me.
SD: You don't understand, man, it was the biggest barbecue ever! They had bear grills!
HD: In these icy conditions, your tongue can get stuck to things. That's the last time I kiss Bear Grylls' ass.
MJ: I'm standing very still cause over 30 feet away, there's a large water buffalo and he's painting my picture.