The following is a list of Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the ninth episode of the eighteenth series.
EG: Ed Gamble
SD: Sophie Duker
MA: Maisie Adam
MS: Mark Simmons
HD: Hugh Dennis
EB: Ed Byrne
Unlikely Lines From A Costume Drama
EG: Madam, I am in line to the throne and as such, we'll be dining somewhere that fits my title: Pizza Express Woking!
EB: Ah, Batman. I mean, I suppose technically, it's a costume. (shrugs)
MA: Heathcliff! Heathcliff! Let me in, let me in! I just wondered if we could count on your vote on December 12th?
HD: Generally, I am a footman, sir, although I do also like the bottom and the breasts.
MS: Alright, just reading this review from the Anne Boleyn musical. Says it was a good idea, but they didn't like the execution.
EG: Lord Windermere is famed for his opulent balls. I heard he wetshaves them.
MS: (in a bad Scottish accent) Ya can take our land, ya can take our lives, but ya cannot do an accent!
HD: You are Jane Eyre, so this must be your brother, Nike.
SD: That new servant girl is so cold and unresponsive. Watch this. Alexa? Alexa?
EB: (miming writing) Your Lordship, I am delighted and excited by the unexpected turn our correspondence has taken. I await, with feverish excitement, the next portrait of your engorged penis. Please accept this crude sketch of my boobs as a token of my affection.
EG: My heart is in my mouth. My liver is in my anus--- Jesus, this corset is tight!
HD: Carson, please get your hands out of my trousers. When I told you to go below stairs, it wasn't an euphemism.
MA: My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, so yeah, that's Mike Alpha X-Ray India Mike---
SD: As the ruler of this country, I demand some respect. When you see me, you will bow and you will say "Yassss, Queen."
EB: Mr. Darcy, I could never belong to you, I am promised to another, but I can give you a quick handy bye in the bushes.
Unlikely Lines From A Cosmetics Commercial
EG: Do you long for the soft skin of a teenager? And just to remind you, you are under oath, Prince Andrew.
SD: Stop aging in its tracks! Die!
HD: Coco Chanel, the alluring combination of Chanel and cocoa.
MS: I work for the British diving team and I moisturize Daly.
MA: Religious Donkey, the new fragrance from Christian D'Eeyore.
EB: Kiss goodbye to wrinkles. Seriously, tell your Granny you'll miss her.
HD: Renaissance Blond, the probiotic youth re-generation serum... from Poundland.
EG: I want my face to have a matte finish which is why I let my mate Matt finish on my face!
HD: Why not try our new lipstick? It looks like a tiny dog's cock.
EB: Problems with sweat? Try serving in the Falklands War.
HD: My last cleanser simply didn't agree with my skin, and that's why I will never use Cif again.
MA: Problematique, the new fake tan line from Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.
EG: Want fuller lips? Suck a Hoover!
MS: Do you have dry skin? Eaugh.
EB: Dry wanted skin? Unruly hair? I'd send that soup back if I was you.
SD: Do you have a face? Well, it's wrong.
EB: As an alternative to teeth whitening, have you considered gum darkening?
MA: Rub the lotion on the skin, else you get the hose again!
MS: New barely legal moisturizer: You won't just look young, you'll look too young.
EG: Our new blusher shades range from mild embarrassment to your grandma walking in when you're knocking one out.