The following is a list of Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the fourth episode of the nineteenth series.
EB- Ed Byrne
TA- Tom Allen
TM- Thanyia Moore
MJ- Milton Jones
HD- Hugh Dennis
AB- Angela Barnes
Things A News Reporter Would Never Say
EB: And the prime minister is just going to be arriving now. I'm going to see if I can have a quick word with him, and that word's going to be "WANKER!"
TA: And I'm reporting live from North Korea because my colleagues hate me.
MJ: So I'm not gonna tell you who I am, where I am, or what's happening. (walks back)
HD: All around me I can hear shelling. Why? I am in a pea factory.
TM: And today, um, Meghan and Harry have-- To be honest, I don't care.
AB: Now the traffic news. There's a terrible mess just past junction 16 on the M4: Swindon.
TA: And now, to find out how those peace talks are progressing, we're going to across now to Camp David. (in a camp voice) Oh, hello, ducky, how are you?
EB: And I'm getting word now that half of the hostages are have been released which can only be-- hang on, sorry. Oh. Oh no, half a hostage has been released.
AB: You're watching Channel 5 news... Sorry, I'm a bit, no one's, no one's ever done that before. Have you sat on the remote?
MJ: The following scenes contain flash photography. Very flash, Terry's got a new camera.
HD: Tonight, the winner of the Euro Millions' largest ever has been announced. That's right. Read your own fucking headlines.
TM: I don't care if you don't want to see me again. It's still polite to text back, Darren!
MJ: And now, back to Phil Collins in the sussudio.
TA: Are newsreaders getting too dramatic? Find out more next week.
HD: Water has been discovered on the moon, very close to the spot where Neil Armstrong said "Hey, Buzz, I'm just nipping behind this rock for a minute."
EB: Eyewitnesses say that the flasher bears an uncanny resemblance to Gru from Despicable Me and emits a short buzzing noise just before exposing himself.
Unlikely Lines From Kids' Films And TV Shows
TA: And today's show, children, has been brought to you by the letter P and the number 45... Oh.
AB: One... two... three... four! Gosh, Mr. Tumble, you do have a low sperm count!
EB: Thomas the Tank Engine huffed and puffed as he pulled out of Paddington. Paddington rolled over and had a post-coital marmalade sandwich. (cheers and groans) Mash up! Mash up!
HD: "Can I tell you a secret?" said Tigger. "I killed Carole Baskin's husband."
TM: Peppa Pig: Great with rice.
TA: In this week's Horrible Histories, we're going to be covering... 2020?! Oh, no!
AB: Next up, it's the world's first fully animated pornography, Sex Toy Story!
MJ: I don't know what happened. I just joined in with the song and lost control of the bus.
EB: Mummy Bear said, "Somebody's been sleeping in my bed." And Daddy Bear said, "Well, you don't have to rub it in, you whore!"
HD: Oh, look, here come the seven dwarves: Grumpy, Bashful, Sleepy, Dopey, Crackhead, Nonce, and Gimp!
TA: On this week's Angelina Ballerina, we'll be finding out if Angelina can get a job in cyber.
EB: "Hello, Fat Controller," said Thomas. "Fuck you calling me, you grey faced twat?!"
TM: I really love you, Peter Rabbit-- Wait, sorry, no, Rampant. Rampant Rabbit.
HD: Well, we told him it's a giant peach, but the truth is James is just very, very, small.
MJ: Did you know, children, that without rap music, we wouldn't have pass the parcel music?
TM: (realizes the last joke, laughs, then heads back)
EB: But luckily before Cinderella left he party, she had left a shit in the punch bowl, and the Prince said "Whoever's arse this fits I shall marry!"