The following is a list of Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the sixth episode of the nineteenth series.
EB- Ed Byrne
TA- Tom Allen
RL- Ria Lina
RJ- Rhys James
HD- Hugh Dennis
MB- Maff Brown
Unlikely Lines From A TV Detective Show
HD: No, it's not a murder. He just died.
TA: You're going away for a long, long time. You've clearly used up all of your annual holiday, have a great trip.
RJ: No, it does seem like a lovely trip to Alton Towers. I just sort of meant call me if you remember anything about the case.
RL: Why does the chalk outline have three legs? Oh, that's not a leg.
EB: Impossible, detective, it couldn't have been me. On the night of the 22nd I was at home cleaning my murder weapons.
HD: This is Tango Charlie... Okay, my mistake. I'll get you a Pepsi, Charlie.
MB: And was there any ID on the murder victim? Oh, today's date? It's their birthday, get their arms. (mimes throwing the corpse in the air) One, two, three...!
RJ: Okay, I'm going to go in there and do the interrogation as normal. Then you come in, ask which motorway I took to get here, sneeze very loudly, and tell me things were done differently in your day. Classic "Good Cop, Dad Cop".
HD: (flings his arm around) I'm from the swat team.
EB: I've had enough! Turn over your badge! I've always been curious to know what the back of those badges look like.
MB: Whoa, whoa, whoa, can you just-- Whoa, can you speak in Norwegian? It makes it more gritty and then people don't realize the acting is actually shit.
TA: Yeah, there's semen on the bedsheets, there's blood on the walls. Maybe we should move hotel rooms.
RL: Anything you say can and will be held against you at any time. What do you mean why? Cause I'm your wife!
RJ: Unfortunately, the murderer's latest victim was a teenage girl. It's believed her last words were "Ugh, can you not?"
EB: Okay, so we've got hair samples, we've got scrapings from underneath the finger, we've got a bite mark, and that's why I'm sending this pizza back.
HD: I've got an artist's impression for you, boss. (puts one hand over his ear and flicks the other hand around)
Unlikely Lines From A Romantic Novel
EB: She collapsed slowly in his arms. He sighed and reached for the puncture repair kit.
RL: "Oh, Priti," he said, "Bully me like one of your civil servants."
HD: "Let's make love," she said, "But not here, upstairs." And with that, they climbed to the top deck of the night bus.
MB: She turned to her husband and said "Let's try roleplay tonight." He said, "Sure, what do you want to do?" "I want you to pretend you're the prime minister." "Oh, you're into power?" "No, I want you get me pregnant and fuck off."
RJ: "I'm wearing edible underwear," she teased. He ripped off her skirt. "Um, yeah, I think generally that's supposed to be candy. It's just I'm really not in a spag bol mood."
TA: "Next time," he said licking cream out of her belly button, "I'll remember to put the lid on the blender."
RL: As he climbed on top of her, Melania thought to herself, "Remember, he'll be dead soon."
HD: She smiled at him across the mattress. "Aren't we lucky," she said, "to have found a skip with one of these in it?"
MB: It was just like a scene from Romeo and Juliet except I didn't take the poison and now I'm wanted for murder.
TA: 2,000 a year, Mr. Darcy? Why, that seems like an awful lot of women!
RJ: She took him by the hand and led him up to the bedroom. He couldn't believe it, she was about to make his deepest fantasy come true: He was going to get to have sex!
EB: (with a hand on his forehead) Go! Leave me! I cannot stand another minute in your presence! I could never love a man who thinks it's funny to superglue a woman's hand to her forehead!
RL: Anastasia walked towards the wall of hooks, chains, and rope. A huge hulk of a man stepped in front of her and said "Hi, I'm Jeff, welcome to B&Q."
EB: He said to her, "Will you make me the happiest man in the world and introduce me to your fit sister?"
HD: She knew he was being wooed and now she'd told him to piss off. She was being very "wude" indeed.
RJ: As he climbed under the covers, he couldn't believe what he saw: A beautiful woman with long blond hair, big green eyes and a perfect body tattooed on the arm of a plasterer called Deano.
TA: "I came as soon as I got your message." Richard was dreadful at sexting.
RJ: He got down on one knee. "Will you marry me?" he asked. She flushed. "Oh, you better ask my father first." "Um, I don't fancy him."
EB: Her kissed her tenderly. She looked in his eyes and said "Do that thing you know I like." And he went downstairs and restacked the dishwasher properly.