The following is a list of Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the ninth episode of the nineteenth series.
EG: Ed Gamble
MO: Michael Odewale
RJ: Rhys James
CB: Catherine Bohart
HD: Hugh Dennis
AB: Angela Barnes
Unlikely Lines From A Children's Book
EG: Jimmy the Jumbo Jet landed in the airport. Oh, that's a good bus.
AB: "Please, sir, can I have some more?" "'Fraid not, mate. Your lunch was made by Chartwells."
HD: "Meet Pablo Escobar," said Willy Wonka. "He's making Charlie in the chocolate factory."
CB: "You have your mother's eyes," said Snape, "and your father's juicy ass."
MO: And suddenly the police burst in and the three black bears were arrested on suspicion of kidnapping Goldilocks.
RJ: You know, maybe I wouldn't have to keep running and hiding all the time if just once in a while someone would ask, "How's Wally?"
EG: Inside that wardrobe is a whole magical world, so why don't you go and explore for an hour while mummy has her wine?
HD: He huffed and he puffed, but however hard he tired, Boris couldn't form a coherent sentence.
CB: The tiger came for tea and stayed for breakfast, so you have to call him "Uncle Tiger" now!
EG: After Willy showed another group of children his chocolate factory, he pulled up his trousers and was put on a register.
MO: "I wish I was back in Kansas," said Dorothy as she was arrested for breaking into the Capitol.
RJ: And as they looked around at how everyone had been separated at Hogwarts this year, the kids began to realise that this sorting hat was incredibly racist.
AB: "Where's Mr. Tickle?" said Mr. Nosey. "He is at a sexual harassment tribunal," said Little Miss Had-Enough-Of-Your-Bullshit.
CB: Harry Potter, chapter one, "The Boy Who Lived As A Boy Because He Was Born A Boy And That's How It's Supposed To Be!"
HD: "I won't be staying long. I am a new kind of nanny," said Mary Popup.
RJ: "Ah, well," said Bicurious George, "that didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would."
HD: Hogwarts? Yes. I wish I had never slept with that pig.
EG: And the ugly duckling, who all the other ducks had bullied, turned into a beautiful swan. So it just goes to show you bullying works.
AB: Mr. Greedy, Mr. Lazy, Mr. Uppity, Mr. Daydream. Whatever you want to call him, he's not president anymore! (cheers)
Bad Things To Hear From Your Flatmate
RJ: Welcome to your new home! I forgot to tell you that every evening in this flat we watch the Dara O Briain DVD. (Dara: Firstly, the Dara O Briain DVD?)
HD: Okay. That wasn't Nutella.
MO: Okay, who drank my milk? Do you know how long that took my mum to make for me?
CB: You didn't see my Moon Cup when you emptied the dishwasher, did you?
RJ: Ooh, what have we here? (tastes something) Ah, needs more salt. Anyway, I'll leave you to it, enjoy your bath.
EG: God, I might just go and dig a big hole in the garden to get out the stress of my girlfriend's disappearance.
RJ: Sorry, so you're kicking me out of the flat just because I'm dangerously obsessed with The Apprentice? Well, thank you for the opportunity.
CB: If you're popping to the shops, can you get me some marigolds and some bleach and some heavy duty bin bags? Oh, and a Twix. Naughty.
AB: No, I'm not really into politics. It's all a bit boring, isn't it? My job? Oh, I'm the health secretary.
MO: Hey, man. I'm sorry your dog died, but I did tell it to stop barking.
EG: Hey, who's your friend who keeps coming over in the middle of the night? You know, the little Victorian girl with no eyes?
RJ: About yesterday, sorry about when I walked in on you wanking. I'll make sure to wank in my own room from now on.
HD: Oh God, it is great to be back. I've been travelling, I've been to Brazil, South Africa, and Kent.
AB: I hope you don't mind, I've moved the fridge into your bedroom. I just like a snack while I watch you sleep.
RJ: Okay, okay, I know you were a bit sick of the last one, but don't worry. I've managed to get the other Dara O Briain DVD.
(Dara, amidst the laughter: Five of them. There have been five of them.)
EG: Well, if Jesus wanted me to play the electric bill, Jesus would have given me some money.
CB: Oh, good, you're all settled in. Hey, if you watch a lot of porn, you might recognise our kitchen!