Unlikely Things For Winter Olympics Commentator To Say[]
FB: Points off the Danish team for exploding.
AP: And he's fallen over! I love it when they do that, that's the best bit!
JO: And now the 4 words that no ice dancer ever wants to hear: release the polar bear!
HD: Of course bribery no longer exists in the Olympic movement. Welcome to the Winter Games, here in Basingstoke!
FB: The upturned bobsleigh providing a fitting coffin...
DM: Have you ever stared at snow so long it turns to blood?
HD: My goodness, the band must be fed up with playing the British national anthem.
What You Don't Want To Hear In a NHS Hospital[]
FB: Can you go for a shit so the surgeon can get his car keys back?
ST: There's been the most hilarious misunderstanding during your vasectomy.
HD: MRSA? Yes, I think they tried to give me a credit card.
FB: The face transplant has gone well, I think you look better as a black man!
HD: I've come to take your blood sample. (evil laugh)
FB: Now you're sure you had legs when you came in?
Commercials That Never Made It To Air[]
HD: Fed up with an untidy toolbox? Buy the Abu Hamsa multi-tool!
DM: Start the day with a protein boost with Kellogg's Pork Flakes!
FB: Come home to a real fire. Visit the Danish embassy.
HD: My bank became a wine bar. (slurred voice) To be honest I quite like it.
JO: The Indonesian children who made these trainers know that if they miss a single stitch, their family will be beaten with sticks. That's how we can guarantee you quality.
FB: Use Vanish like me, Sol Campbell.
HD: Accident at work? Look where you're going, you dozy bastard!
ST: Run out of loo roll? Use this fluffy dog!
FB: Dry skin? Itchy, flaking scalp? You disgust me.
HD: Can you even see me, you blind bastard? Specsavers.