The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the second episode of the fourth series.
Unlikely Lines To Find In The Bible
- AP: And Paul was on his way to Damascus, when he got hit by a helicopter gunship.
- FB: An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth... This is the weirdest car boot sale I've been to.
- MW: Anyway, I'm rambling on...
- AP: He's not the Messiah, (audience joins in) he's a very naughty boy!
- HD: And God said, "Let there be light." Sponsored by Powergen.
- FB: A man who lies with another man should be stoned. It helps, that's all I'm saying.
- IS: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...
- MW: And God said, right, that's the 14 commandments, now will you remember all those? (RH: That's very good.)
- HD: Table for 12, Jesus? I can do two 6's at 8:30.
- FB: And on the eighth day, God created a magic talking leopard, and forgot all about us.
- AP: And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers for Justice.
- HD: It rained for forty days and forty nights, although Thames Water still had a hosepipe ban.
- FB: St Paul's third epistle to the Corinthians: "Dear Corinthians, I've written to you twice now, no reply. I don't know how you do things in Corinth, but where I'm from, that's a bit rude!"
Bad Things For a Teacher To Say
- AP: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
- HD: You know the rules, Thomas, if you forget your PE kit, I take the lesson in my pants.
- AP: Hello, I'm Mr. Glitter.
- FB: You're all going on the school trip, but if any of you have ever watched the news, you know that you won't all be coming back.
- HD: Good essay, nice hooters.
- FB: We've all had a hard time since Sharon went missing. I, for example haven't been able to use my basement.
- AP: No, Karen, we don't want a fat Mary.
- FB: Are you chewing, boy? This is the worst blowjob I've had all day!
- RH: I don't know the answer, Watkins, I just do this job for the holidays!
- FB: It turns out you're not dyslexic, you're just really, really, stupid.
- MW: It's you're own time you're wasting, not mine. I pissed my life already!
- FB: Today's game of "Head's Down, Thumbs Up" begins with the sound of my zipper.
- HD: I have been at this school for over forty years. I buggered your fathers and I will bugger you!
- FB: There's only one "A" on your report card, Thompson. It's from the school nurse and it stands for "AIDS".