The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the fifth episode of the fourth series.
Unlikely Things To Hear On Comic Relief
- AP: And we'd just like to thank the donation of 160,000 turkeys from a Mr B. Matthews...
- FB: Remember, tonight isn't just about comedy. Here's Ben Elton.
- HD: Of course we're also supporting projects in the UK. For example, this is my extension.
- JC: My name is Abit. I'm seven years old and I have to walk five miles everyday to get fresh water, so I really don't have time to play football with fat celebrities. Fuck off and give me the money!
- RH: (impersonating Bernard Manning) Right, here's one for you, 3 Ethiopians walk into a bar...
- FB: If we remove all these villagers' cataracts, one day they might be able to make our shoes.
- RG: (talking to someone off-camera) Yeah, I don't believe it either, some of those kids are fatter then I am...
- FB: And remember, 20% of everything you give goes directly to a grinning warlord wearing a necklace of human finger bones.
- HD: This village had one goat, until I ate it.
- FB: Later, Dawn French will be climbing into a bath full of beans. Not for charity. It's her supper.
- RH: (jumping) We're from the Masai tribe, when are we going to get the money for that ident we did?
The Worst Thing Your New Neighbour Could Say
- FB: What day do the bins go out around here? My wife's body is starting to stink.
- HD: (hillbilly accent) Well, looks like we got ourselves a fresh one.
- AP: I hope my turkeys won't be keeping you awake.
- FB: My wife and I are nudists and have been for the past 70 years.
- HD: You're bigger than you look through the telescope.
- JC: Welcome to the street, or as we like to call it, "The cul-de-sac of Christ."
- HD: (impersonating Jimmy Savile) Do you like the music of Showaddywaddy?
- RH: I can see you when you sleep.
- HD: Yes that's right, the wife breeds rottweilers, the children are in a brass band and I'm a paedophile.
- FB: (with Russell as a dog) It's simple: your dog and I are in love. (rides Russell off camera)