The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the first episode of the fifth series.
Unlikely Things To Hear at WimbledonEdit
- FB: New balls... developing on both the Williams sisters.
- HD: Well this crowd really has taken this young Serbian girl to their hearts. They obviously don't know her father's a war criminal.
- RH: Would the working class family on Henman Hill kindly leave? You're putting the middle class off their strawberries. You know who you are, you filthy mudbloods!
- FB: A dog has run onto the court... and it's beaten Tim Henman!
- RH: Now here's a question, John. Nadal: Could he turn you?
- FB: There's no strawberries left, you'll have to have chips.
- HD: Well, you know, this rain could be taken as God's judgement on how shit we are at tennis.
- FB: As the Scottish man holds the Wimbledon trophy aloft, the earth opens and swallows him whole.
- RH: Cliff Richard's there with a wonderful rendition of Dr. Dre's Bitches Ain't Shit.
- HD: Oh my goodness, there's a double fault. One for being a woman, the other for being German.
- MM: It has just come to our attention that Tim Henman's father died six Wimbledons ago and has been sitting there with the same look of disappointment ever since.
What a Newsreader Would Never SayEdit
- FB: The football scores now, so you may want to look away, if you're a woman or a gay.
- JR: Good evening, here is the news, I'm Moira Stuart. Why did the BBC sack me? Is it because I is black?
- FB: Just watching that press conference, I wouldn't be surprised if it was her stepfather that did it.
- JR: Here's the news at 10, I'm Fiona Bruce, standing up or behind a desk, it's all the same to me.
- FB: Press the red button now to operate the vibrating doughnuts I have placed in my trousers. (Buzz) Please!
- RH: You've sent in your e-mails and we've been reading them and my my, aren't you a bunch of racist bigots?
- FB: If you've taped that earthquake to enjoy later and don't want to know how many died, look away now.
- MM: Wimbledon news now and Tim Henman... you know the rest.
- FB: News just in: I'm HIV positive?
- HD: Well time for your own regional news now. I'm off for a dump, see you at ten.