- HD – Hugh Dennis
- AP – Andy Parsons
- FB – Frankie Boyle
- RH – Russell Howard
- BN – Ben Norris
- EB – Ed Byrne
Weird Things To See On a Road SignEdit
HD: Fancy a shag? Park And Ride, 200 yards.
FB: Stop! Hammer time!
BN: You are leaving Croydon. Well done.
FB: Help me, I'm trapped in a sign making factory!
HD: When the red lights are flashing, get down with the groove.
AP: Accident on opposite carriageway. Quick, look!
RH: Amarillo: this way.
HD: You are now leaving Trowell Services. Wish you hadn't eaten that for 26 miles.
BN: If you can read this, you've crashed into my front garden.
AP: You are entering Scotland. No salad for 200 miles.
FB: No left turn. No right turn. No entry. No reversing. Get out of the car and put your hands on your head. DO IT!
AP: River ahead which your SatNav thinks is a road.
RH: You're lonely, aren't you Russell? (Looks back, bemused)
FB: Sharp left turn ahead. Careful, ladies!
AP: GIANT EXCLAMATION MARK... AHEAD!
HD: Bracknell, twinned with Hell.
FB: Warning: Little Chef, one mile.
Unlikely Things To Hear In the House of LordsEdit
FB: Would anyone like to swap a packet of Space Raiders for some DairyLea Dunkables?
RH: Please welcome our newest member: Lord Voldemort.
AP: I used to be a lord, but after the operation, I'm a lady.
HD: (Drunken voice) And that gentlemen is the motion...and now I will clear it up. (looks to floor)
FB: I want to re-criminalise homosexuality. So that I can feel dirty when I do it.
EB: I've changed my name to E. Lordy. I want you all to call me Lord E. Lordy.
FB: I am the lord.. of the dance.
AP: Hello, I'm Lord Ocean Finance.
FB: As a life peer, I would like to tender my resignation. (shoots himself in the mouth)
HD: This is Davina, you are live in the house. Please don't swear.