Things You Wouldn't Hear In a Travel Documentary
FB: This man lives under a sheet of tarpaulin, and has to walk for three hours every morning, just to get a drink of muddy water. Nonetheless, he is happy, to be mayor of Dundee.
AP: This week, I shall be travelling to the Middle-East to Africa to Asia. And if I still can't find my luggage, I'll return to Terminal 5.
FB: It's amazing to think that I'm the first white face these people have ever seen. (imitates grabbing a shotgun) And the last.
HD: The squawk of parrots, parakeets and toucans... has kept me awake all bloody night.
AP: I'm surviving here on nuts and berries. That's the trouble with a documentary funded by Channel 5.
FB: On our third day of filming, an incredible discovery: Hippos are just men in costumes.
HD:(Impersonating Jimmy Savile) So, I, Sir Jimmy, am in the Gobi Desert desert looking for water, and fortunately, I have found this waddy-waddy.
AB: Shit. (laughs) (Gina pulls him off stage) (goes back on stage) This week, we're looking at holidays in Gatwick, 'cause apparently you need a passport to go to Honolulu.
RH: Prostitution is rife on the streets of Bangkok, so it really pays to go shop around for a bargain.
FB: Don't make the mistake I made. Nudists aren't welcome at every beach or at the local schools.
RH: I'm outside the Taj Mahal, and in my opinion, the most beautiful, the most striking, the most awe-inspiring curry house on the Edgware Road.
GY: Can you see the lions, and the tigers, and the crocodiles? Yes? Good. I cannot 'cause I am here in Peckham!
FB: After an arduous three day bus journey, we finally reached the place Ryanair said we were flying to.
Unlikely Lines From a TV Detective Show
FB: (American accent) I cut myself on a glass in your bar. I'd throw that away if I was you because I'm Kachelsky, the HIV positive detective!
AB: It was simple! I just Googled 'Who done it?'
RH: Fingerprints? I like his music, but that's a bit much!
GY: Mrs. Marple, You got no evidence, no forensic stuff, nothing. You don't know what's going on. Don't worry, just pin it on the black guy.
HD: So, all the suspects are linked. (makes movements with his hands) Thomas knows Malinson, Malinson knows the victim and they all live in a flat. (makes square movements with his hands) But what do I know? I'm only the window cleaner.
FB: So what can we tell from these bitemarks on the breasts? We can tell that I shouldn't be left alone with a body.
RH: To be honest, Watson, I couldn't care, I'm coked off my tits.
FB: If you think it's murder on the Orient Express, you should try the shuttle between Glasgow and Edinburgh!
AP: Where has Inspector Frost gone?! I saw him only a moment ago, leaning on the hatch of that wind bar counter over there!
HD: Sure, saw this shit goin' down in da high rise, that's what you get with crack n' blow, but I ain't gonna answer any more of your questions, Miss Marple.
FB: Michael Jackson, we've been questioning you for days, and this is your defense?! You blame it on the boogie?!
HD: Well, he's got the profile of a killer, see? (stands sideways and makes wild stabbing motions)
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