- HD – Hugh Dennis
- AP – Andy Parsons
- FB – Frankie Boyle
- RH – Russell Howard
- GD – Greg Davies
- DW – Danielle Ward
Lines You Wouldn't Hear In a Superhero Movie
FB: To the Bat-Caravan!
RH: (Imitating Russell Brand) I'm a superhero! (normal voice) No Russell, you've drawn an 'S' on your forehead and sprinkled glitter on your penis.
FB: No, they call me Catwoman because I can lick my own arse.
AP: Hey Lois, just before we fly off, I wanna check none of your liquids are over 100ml.
FB: You're trapped, Spider-Man. Trapped in this enormous bath.
GD: No, R. Kelly, you can't join the Fantastic Four. It's not enough to believe you can fly!
AP: Biff! Bam! Kapow! Nutted! Bottled! Slashed!
FB: Is it a bird, is it a plane? Whatever it is, it's heading straight for the World Trade Centre.
DW: What'd you mean the swastika's already taken? I've had my cape made now and everything!
AP: So tell me, why'd they call you "Flash"?
HD: (posh accent) I may not seem as dangerous as other super-villains, but soon I, Dr. Sheep, will Rule the World. Baaaaaaaa.
FB: What's that, Joker? You'll be back? Somehow, I don't think you will be!
Unlikely Letters For An Agony Aunt To Receive
RH: Dear Deirdre: I'm leaving you.
FB: I want to trace my father. Could you suggest a good marker pen?
HD: I have recently discovered the pleasures of butter in sex. I smear it on the doorknob to stop the kids coming in.
RH: (Hoarsely) My voice is breaking, and there is hair on my chest. Is this normal? Yours, Sally Jenkins, aged 9.
FB: Dear Bitch, I have trouble making friends. What are you going to do about it?!
RH: Dear Deirdre: Can that giant man (he points to Greg) lift me up like a baby? (Greg goes over and does exactly that) GD: You bet your ass he can!
HD: I have been saving up for a sex-change. I don't care what my wife says, she's going to have it!
GD: Dear Auntie: My testicles are the size of space-hoppers. I don't need any advice, I just wanted to tell someone.
HD: My husband and I are 82 and he has recently lost interest in sex. Thank God!
FB: My wife says I'm a compulsive liar. I think she's jealous that my reggae duet with Rio Ferdinand has reached No 1!
RH: I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!!!!!
FB: My problem is that I can only ejaculate when I hear a buzzer. (Dara presses his buzzer, Frankie grins)