FB: The atheletes will now go forward to recieve their medals and complimentary prawn crackers.
HD: And there is the Chinese coxless four. It's a harsh punishment, but that's what happens if you lose a heat.
AP: And look, there's Paula Radcliffe in a clown outfit holding a sparkler.
DM: We can't find the national anthem to Togo! We're going to have to use the Benny Hill theme tune!
FB: And that is a personal best: first time I've managed to crack one off to the weightlifting.
AH: OH MY GOD, THINGS ARE REALLY EXCITING HERE AT THE SAILING!!!
HD: And there goes the bell! Someone has stolen the bell!
RH: And now, over to the Paralympics with Glenn Hoddle.
FB: She's passed one! She's passed two! Paula Radcliffe is very ill, indeed!
HD: He meddled in Sydney, he meddled in Athens, and he's gonna meddle here unless someone catches him!
DM: And coming up, your chance to watch teenagers in Leotards without feeling bad.
FB: To show you just how polluted this city is, the javelin has got stuck in the sky.
RH: The leading British swimmer had to pull out of the 400m freestyle because he couldn't find a pound for the locker.
HD: Well, we should've done better in the shooting, and this young team from south Manchester know it.
FB: And anyone who thinks this opening ceremony is amazing has never been to Blackpool on ecstasy.
Lines You Wouldn't Hear In a War Film
FB: We've managed to crack the German code. Turns out they were sending messages in German.
HD: [German accent and confused] Why are we speaking English?
AP: I'm afraid we all can't afford goggles, so what we're going to have is go like this. (makes rings with his hands and puts them over his face)
AH: Terribly sorry Sergeant, it's just that when you said "Let's all band together and take Jerry from behind..."
DM: So chaps, this is the strategy for the get out of the prisoner of war camp: we sit it out until the end of the war.
FB: I can't feel my legs! That's because your arms have been blown off!
HD: I'm saving private Ryan... money on his car insurance!
FB: Is anyone else embarrassed that we've all turned up in the same outfit?
RH: There's only one way to settle this war: Through the medium of dance!
HD: Don't worry, Tommy, I'll make sure she gets it. It's chlamydia, isn't it?
FB: You've each been selected for this mission, because you're unknown to the enemy, and you each have a special skill: Professor Hawking, John Lesley, Phil Neville, The Wu-Tang clan, Usher, the Sugar Puffs monster, and Daniel Day Lewis! Welcome, to Operation MINDFUCK!
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