The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the ninth episode of the sixth series.
Lines You Wouldn't Hear In a Sci-Fi Film
- FB: We've discovered an alien queen, and she's laid enough eggs to take over the galaxy. This writing, it says "Katona".
- HD: I am C-3PO. This is my cousin, WD-40.
- RH: Alright, Chewie, you look different after that back, sack and crack wax! (Chewbacca groans, then cries)
- MM: My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi. This's my brother, Obi-Careful, my sister, Obi-Have, and my dog, Obi-Asport!
- FB: Use the force, Luke. I've ran out of lubricant.
- HD: Yeah, that's, er, that's right, we aliens have learned your language by, er, listening to your radio broadcasts!
- FB: The androids are going berserk, Captain. Let's try switching them off, and then on again.
- HD: Stardate 2171.6. Captain's Log: Still won't flush, I'll try again later.
- FB: Vader, you look like a big black dildo!
- MM: Captain, erm, I've been repeatedly firing this laser at that alien, er, but all I've managed to do is improve its eyesight and give it a Brazilian.
- FB: It's not easy being a Vulcan, Captain. Due to my death grip, I can't masturbate.
- RH: (Chewbacca groan, coughs)- Had that hairball in there for years.
- HD: I need to break into the Death Star's computer system. Who knows Darth Maul's mother's maiden name?
- FB: Captain, the ethereal sounds being made by this beautiful dying creature from another world...IS SOME FUNKY SHIT!
Things You Wouldn't Hear On The Radio
- FB: In that episode of The Hugh Dennis Story, Hugh Dennis was played by Bruce Willis, Steve Punt was played by Hugh Dennis and the band was Showaddywaddy. (HD: You...)
- MM: You touch my turnips and I'll fuck you up! (hums The Archers theme tune)
- AP: And now for a travel update. There's an accident on the M1. It's a good one, so hurry up! There's FLAMES and EVERYTHING!
- FB: Next, A Book at Bedtime: Martin Jarvis reads the speeches of Hitler in a high pitched girl's voice.
- LL: Good afternoon, this is Radio 4, and I have a regional accent.
- RH: Next on Radio 4, The Dogging Forecast.
- FB: Here on Traffic Watch we're predicting long delays on the M4, when I'm about to hit my ex-wife's car with this helicopter.
- HD: And now, it's the panel show where our panel try to stave off premature ejaculation, yes, it's Just a Minute!
- MM: Good morning, this is breakfast with Tony Blackburn! I'm not actually on the radio, I've broken into your kitchen. You want toast?
- RH: Next, more lesbian propaganda with Woman's Hour.
- FB: Well, you've certainly stumped the Gardeners' Question Time panel. None of us know how to bring a fox to orgasm.
- AP: You're listening to Heart FM: The same 5 songs, all day long.
- FB: 6 AM! WELCOME TO THE BREAKFAST SHOW! WHO'S UP AT 6 AM?! MY WIFE'S LEAVING ME! MY DAD DIDN'T GET UP AT 6 AM AND HE WAS A FUCKING MINER!