The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the second episode of the seventh series.
Unlikely Things To Hear On a Survival Show
- FB: I was first taught to eat in the bush by a French girl I went out with when I was at university.
- HD: To get the fish: Break the ice, jump the checkout and RUN!
- TS: Not only is this lake good for fish, but we can also put a body in it.
- FB: Using excrements, mud and twigs, they've made primitive bedding here at The Premier Travelodge.
- RH: I'm in the Congo. Let's settle this once and for all. Do you boys like Um Bongo?
- AP: Here I am, in the jungle, the mighty jungle... Awimoweh, awimoweh awim!
- FB: But who are the truly civilized? Is it the Umbupi tribe, or is it us, with our books, our medicine, and our internet-- Oh yes, it's us.
- RG: Of course food is a scarce and valuable resource to these tribespeople. So I've just bagged myself two nights with this fella's wife for a Twix.
- HD: You know Ant and Dec think that their jungle's pretty tough. Well, they joined me today but there was no food, so I ate them.
- RH: The villagers get up early and walk five miles to fetch clean water every day, which begs the question, why not move the village closer?
- FB: The strong, powerful sun is making me sweat. Oh, shit, here comes his dad!
- HD: I've been living in these woods for three weeks now. But that's what happens if you marry to the Home Secretary and she catches you watching porn.
- RH: I'm Bear Grylls, and this is my brother, Wolf Stirfry.
- FB: I've just achieved my life's ambition, by climbing Everest, with no food, and no equipment. NOW DO YOU LOVE ME DADDY?! NOW DO YOU LOVE ME?!
Unlikely Things To Read On a Packet
- FB: Ragu Sauce: If you gave this to someone who is actually from Italy, they’d punch you in the face.
- HD: To open, push down tab, break tab, swear repeatedly, STAB WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS!!
- AP: Serves four, you greedy bastard. Now put some of that back.
- FB: Viagra are proud sponsors of Andy Murray. For people who can only achieve a semi.
- TS: Bag may also be used for autoerotic asphyxiation.
- RH: Fairtrade coffee: If you don't like it, you're racist.
- FB: Sunny Delight counts towards your five-a-day... as minus two.
- HD: To stop diarrhoea, take one teaspoon and shove it up your arse.
- RG: Adults and children over 12 years: Try not to get those two mixed up.
- AP: Cup-A-Soup: Just add soup.
- FB: Best before date: Rohypnol.
- RH: Serving Suggestions: on a plate, you thick moron!
- FB: We use only the very cheapest horsemeat to make "Fuck It, It's Just A Cat".