- HD – Hugh Dennis
- AP – Andy Parsons
- FB – Frankie Boyle
- RH – Russell Howard
- SF – Stewart Francis
- HW – Holly Walsh
Rejected Questions From This Year's Exams
RH - What colour does a Smurf go when we choke it?
HD - Translate the following into German: "Two World Wars And One World Cup, doo dah doo dah."
FB - How many Pepperami Big Boys could you feed to Victoria Beckham through a tube before she became visible to the human eye?
RH - What is the name of the force that pulls objects towards the center of the earth? Is it A) Gravity or B) (In a nerdy voice) magic?
AP - Katie Price is supposedly worth 8 and a half million pounds and has got a thriving TV career. Explain.
SF - If George Michael leaves at eight o’clock for a five mile drive, when does he crash?
FB - There are six lines of equal length. How long will Kerry Katona be in the bathroom?
HD - If a train is going at 70 miles per hour, how surprised would you be?
HW - What is Amnesia? is it A) memory loss, A) memory loss, or 4) The Battle Of Hastings?
AP - If Sally buys three oranges and two apples, how far south of Scotland is she?
FB - Discuss the idea that Willy Wonka was a paedophile.
HW - What is Amnesia? is it A) memory loss...
HD - Draw a diagram of the male genitalia. Please use the tracing paper provided.
SF - What are most Canadians renowned for saying, eh?
AP - English, is standards declining?
RH - Hitler, Pol Pot, Genghis Khan: Shag, marry or kill?
FB - There's a wedding where Jane invite's 20 guests and her partner Helen invite's 40 guests, How angry is God?
Unlikely Things To Hear On a TV Business Show
HD: Well, the FTSE has had its best day since March. It went shopping, had lunch with friends, and took in a show before shagging a complete stranger it met at a bar.
RH: Our invention lets you know whether or not a girl fancies you. We call it beer.
FB: Okay, Dragons, I've developed a system that lets you get your own seat on the bus and it involves TALKING SLIGHTLY TOO LOUDLY THEN PISSING YOURSELF!
HD: This morning, I'm asking for half a million pounds, and with that I will buy half a million lottery tickets.
SF: Good evening, Dragon. Oh, geez, what the hell is that?! That's Evan Davies, the host? I'm out.
AP: Okay, we may have lost some money promoting Michael Jackson '02, but let's face it: I've just signed a deal for the new Oasis tour.
FB: (Birmingham accent) Hello, and welcome to Working Lunch, a show for people who are so good at business, they're sat at home watching the TV in the middle of the fucking day.
HW: Dragons, I have three words for you: Reggae Reggae Condoms.
HD: The last task was easy and yet you cocked it up! I only asked you to BLOW THE BLOODY DOORS OFF!
FB: This week, the Dragons meet a retired Nigerian brigadier with an offer that sounds too good to be true!
RH: Today, there was a hard drop on the FTSE, and I got a bruisy on my handy-wandy.
FB: This week, the Apprentices face the toughest task ever: selling the shite Sir Alan actually makes.