- HD – Hugh Dennis
- AP – Andy Parsons
- RH – Russell Howard
- AM – Andrew Maxwell
- AO – Andi Osho
- SF – Stewart Francis
Unlikely Things To Hear In a Fitness Video
RH - Hi! Welcome to Ross Kemp On Leotards.
HD - Now I'd like all you ladies to turn around, face away from me, bend over and touch your toes. (Moans)
AP - I'm Madonna. I'm a fifty year old woman with the body of a forty year old man.
HD - (Impersonating Michael Owen) Hi! I'm Michael Owen. Welcome to my fit... oh, no, it's gone again.
RH - Welcome to Masturbate Yourself Thin. Remember: swap arms or you'll end up looking like a wonky Popeye.
SF - Wanna have the type of body to drive your friends' wives crazy? Hi, I'm John Terry.
HD - Hi today I'm on a Swiss ball. Uncomfortable, particularly for the Swiss man it belongs to.
RH - Hey! Wanna lose weight and gain a friend? Why not insert a tapeworm?
AM - Ladies and gentlemen, I'm the living proof that you can exercise yourself straight.
HD - Everyone wants a six pack, I do (drunk voice) and I already had five of them.
AO - (Impersonating Cheryl Cole) Hi, I'm Cheryl Cole. Welcome to my Boxercise video, now for this first workout you're gonna need a Nigerian toilet attendant and a really good lawyer.
AP - Okay go on see if you can raise your leg as high as I can, I bet you can't because I'm Heather Mills.
Unlikely Lines To Hear In a Hollywood Blockbuster
RH: Nemo, where the fuck have you been?!
SF: Look Mr. Bond, do you wanna hire the Ford Focus or not?
HD: Mr. Vader, we are the Child Support Agency.
AP: You want the truth, you can't handle the truth! Welcome to the Fox News Channel.
AO: Warning: This film contains Jennifer Aniston.
AP: SPIDERMAN! LOOK OUT! IT'S ROLLED UP NEWSPAPER MAN!
AM: (Imitating Chewbacca, then coughing) Oh, excuse me, sorry. Where do you wanna go, Han?
RH: E.T. got boned.
AP: M, I've worked out what to do with Goldfinger! What we do is we put him in a big envelope marked "Cash My Gold".
HD: What do you think of my Fathers For Justice costume, Robin?
RH: Mmm, cracking heroin, Gromit!
AO: Look, I- I'm just an ex-Prime Minister standing before an Iraq enquiry, asking them to love him.
RH: OI OI OI, HERMOINE. COCKUS ENGEORGIO, EH!
HD: So this mission is impossible? Let's not bother.
AO: Andy Dufresne, when he walked into Shawshank, I knew he was fucked.
SF: Revenge will be mine, Mr. Bond, when we meet in Small Claims Court!
AP: Use the force, Luke! And if that doesn't work, turn it off, and turn it back on again!