Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 9, Episode 1

Scenes We'd Like To See Category · Infobox Series 1 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 Full list of scenarios Series 2 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 Full list of scenarios Series 3 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 Full list of scenarios Series 4 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 Full list of scenarios Series 5 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 Full list of scenarios Series 6 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 Full list of scenarios Series 7 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 Full list of scenarios Series 8 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 2010 Sport Relief Special Full list of scenarios Series 9 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 Full list of scenarios Series 10 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 Christmas Special Full list of scenarios Series 11 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 Full list of scenarios Series 12 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 Compilation Episode Christmas Special Full list of scenarios Series 13 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 Compilation Episode Christmas Special New Year's Eve Special Full list of scenarios Series 14 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 Full list of scenarios Series 15 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 Christmas Special Full list of scenarios Series 16 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 Full list of scenarios Series 17 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 Christmas Special Full list of scenarios Series 18 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 Full list of scenarios Series 19 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 Full list of scenarios Series 20 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 Full list of scenarios Templates Link to an edition of the round Link to a specific scenario TOC for scenario lists

The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the first episode of the ninth series.

Key

• HD – Hugh Dennis
• AP – Andy Parsons
• FB – Frankie Boyle
• RH – Russell Howard
• MJ – Milton Jone
• DM – Diane Morgan
• CA – Chris Addison

Topics

Commercials That Never Aired

• AP: 'Our website shows the complete range of pubic wigs, comparethemerkin.com!'
• RH: 'Want to dress like you've got no GCSES? Come on down to JJB!'
• HD: (quickly) 'This ad may be thoroughly misleading, the product may not work and may burn your face off!'
• MJ: (In a deep raspy voice) 'Carlsberg....don't do liver transplants....but if they did...'
• RH: 'Fed up with your dull grey hair? Get use to it, you're a squirrel!'
• DM: 'The Daily Star, because it's cheaper than toilet paper'
• CA: 'Have you been injured in a trip or fall? Would you like to be injured in a trip or fall?...Call Barry'
• HD: 'Incest, Just Do It'
• AP: 'Marmite, you either love it or you hate it or you think it's ok...but you'd rather have Marmalade'
• RH: (Holding two hands down smiling) 'I'm a rabbit and they test make-up on me....but I don't mind cos I'm a bit of a slag'
• CA: 'Burger King, because you can't taste anything when you're pissed!'
• HD: 'Have you got long dry hair? Could we stuff it down an oil well?'
• AP: 'Oi Churchill! Have you been rubbing your arse on the carpet again?'
• DM: 'Hello I'm Carol Vorderman and this is my grandmother, Yes! I will literally sell anything'
• MJ: 'I used to drink Strongbow Cider with my mate Dave but...he was killed by an arrow'
• RH: 'It's Christmas everyday with new Brussels Sprout flavour condoms....Mmm taste's like Grandma's ankles!'
• HD: 'Do you want your erecticle dysfunction dealt with confidentially and sympathetically, call floppywilly.com!'

Things You Don't Want to Hear in Hospital

• RH: 'I'm afraid it's the big C, it fell off the sign at Currys and hit your wife on the head'
• CA: 'Um...who's penis is this?'
• HD: 'Come on PUSH, PUSH. We've got no staff and the bed needs moving'
• AP: 'So, just checking your notes, you're Mrs. A...Oh, I'm sorry, you've got MRSA'
• RH: 'You have acute angina and your tits aren't bad either!'
• DM: 'And if you don't want to know your results...look away now!'
• HD: 'I'll er, I'll tell you something funny about Dr. Thomas, in his handwriting, the words tonsils and genitals look exactly the same'
• AP: 'We're going to put you to sleep now, because you're old and it's the kindest thing to do'
• MJ: 'So, talk me through it again Mrs. Hopkins, you were having Sunday dinner, you said to your husband "will you carve?" and he just lay down on the floor and gave birth to a baby cow.
• CA: 'Of course it's upsetting but you know, Hitler had one ball and look how well he did!'
• DM: 'This is hospital radio I'm Chris Moyles and I'll be with you for the next 14 hours'
• AP: 'Accept this sacrifice O mighty Satan!'
• RH: 'I don't like the look of the charts Mr. Wilkins, Dizzee Rascal at number one'
• HD: 'How many fingers? That's right two...fuck off!'