The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the fourth episode of the ninth series.
Bad Things To Say On a First Date
- RH: (high-pitched) The last time I was in this nightclub, I was still a man.
- AP: I've brought some condoms, and in preparation, I've got one on already.
- HD: Yes, I know it's only dinner but unless you sign this prenup you're not getting any!
- MJ: My last girlfriend asked if I could play Smoke On The Water, so I threw a toaster in her bath.
- RH: Oh, I see, so when you put "bubbly" on the advert, you meant "fat".
- HD: You've got good hips. Let me see your teeth. (claps twice) We'll take her!
- MJ: Actually during the day I'm something really high up in the city... (makes cooing noise)
- SW: Anyway, that's enough about me. Tell me about your sister.
- AP: OK, I did crop my Facebook photo so as you couldn't see my conjoined twin.
- RH: Whoa! How pissed was I when I asked you out?
- AP: Not as pissed as I was when I said yes!
- ZL: I WANT A BABY NOW!
- SW: There's nothing you can do about it! I know I'm gonna shag you!
- HD: Er... my dating history. Yeah, erm... divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived.
Unlikely Lines To Hear In Disaster Movie
- RH: From the makers of Snakes On A Plane comes... Snails In A Caravan!
- HD: I want you to upload the schematic to my PDA. I-I need you to send th-the picture to my mobile.
- MJ: Ambassador Fraul, are you telling me that intergalactic war occurred because one of your men said "I'm going to the shop, do you want something?" and another one replied "Yes, get me a Galaxy"?
- AP: Men, we are heavily surrounded. But don't worry. Gazza has arrived with some chicken and a fishing rod.
- ZL: It's one story of terror! It's Bungalow Inferno!
- HD: Listen to me! I want you to take the kids, I want you to go to your mother's, you'll be safe there. I'm gonna stay here and shag the nanny.
- AP: The boat is sinking! There's not enough lifeboats! And the worst thing of all, Celine Dion is singing the theme tune!
- MJ: (Singing) There is a house in New Orleans... (makes bubbling noise)
- HD: The Martians landed at around 4am in Bracknell, went "er", and left again.
- RH: The ship is sinking! (as duck) I don't care, I'm a duck! (sticks fingers up)
- SW: (bored voice) Yeah, yeah. Just press that, it'll be all right.
- HD: This is a virus like we have never encountered. Fifty percent of the population will be debilitated completely, the other half will be able to carry on as normal. Gentlemen, this is man flu.
- AP: Do you not realize, if this contagion spreads the entire X Factor judging panel could be wiped out?