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Episode 5
Title Series 1, Episode 5
Air date 3 July 2005
Host Dara Ó Briain
Left team John Oliver
Hugh Dennis
Frankie Boyle
Right team David Mitchell
Rory Bremner
Jo Brand
Result Hugh and Frankie's team won
Episode guide
Previous Series 1, Episode 4
Next Series 1, Episode 6

The fifth episode of the first series was first broadcast on the 3 July 2005.

Guests[]

Team Guest #
Hugh and Frankie's team John Oliver 3rd appearance
Rory's team David Mitchell 2nd appearance
Jo Brand 3rd appearance

Rounds[]

Headliners[]

  • B.W.C.B. – Blair Wins Card Battle
    • DM: Blair Worships Crazy Bush
    • JB: Blair Wants Capelin Beheaded
    • RB: Blair Wins Cha-cha Battle
    • HD: Blair Waves Credibility Goodbye
    • JO: Boyish Wave Camouflages Bullshit
    • HD: Burn the Witch Cherie Blair
    • DM: Britain Wants Calais Back
    • RB: Blair Wrong, Cards Bad
Red indicates the use of a large word with an incorrect initial.


Between The Lines[]

Hugh Dennis tells us what George W. Bush (Rory Bremner) is really saying.


  • RB: My fellow Americans
  • HD: People of Florida
  • RB: 2 years ago, I declared hostilities in Iraq were over
  • HD: Unfortunatly no-one told the over side
  • RB: See, we were proven wrong in Iraq, thay said there was no link between Iraq and Al-Qaeda
  • HD: There is now
  • RB: People have to understand, the problem was, essentially our lack of intelligence
  • HD: People have to understand the problem was essentially my lack of intelligence
  • RB: See, the problem is people keep putting words in my mouth
  • HD: Imagine what it would be like if they didn't
  • RB: But we will stay in Iraq, until the job is done
  • HD: We will stay in Iraq until the oil is finished

Spinning The News[]

National Survey The Trafalgar Celebrations The Olympic Bid Diana Obesity and Diet
Frankie Boyle Rory Bremner John Oliver David Mitchell Hugh Dennis & Jo Brand


If this is the answer, what is the question?[]

The Environment
  • Answer: Between 19 and 23
  • Question: By how many feet COULD sea levels rise if global warming causes the ice caps to melt?
  • DM: Where the postman puts mail for number 27?
  • RB: What the percentage of the votes constitutes a great result for the Liberal Democrats?
  • JB: How much will Wayne Rooney weigh in stone 2 monthes after he retires?
  • HD: Where are the numbers 20, 21 and 22?
  • HD: If you're Peter Stringfellow, how old is too old?
  • FB: How many times would I listen to the Cold Play LP before slipping into a fatal coma?
  • JO: How many people actually care about the environment?


Scandal
  • Answer: No, No, No
  • Question: What answer did Faria Alam give in 2004 when asked by The Mail on Sunday whether David Davis had flirted with her?
  • FB: In alphapetical order what are Ian Paisley's 3 favourite words?
  • HD: How would the word no sound if you said it once in a cave?
  • DM: The name of a new musical based on the life of John Lesley?
  • JB: Prince Charles' reaction when he found out the Queen only had a cold?

Prime Mininster's Questions[]

Headline
  • "Farmers Want Couch Potato Label Banned"


Roles
  • DÓ: Speaker of the House of Commons
  • RB: Tony Blair
  • DM: One of Blair's Labour colleagues on the front bench
  • JB: One of Blair's Labour colleagues on the front bench
  • HD: One of the opposition benchers
  • JO: One of the opposition benchers
  • FB: One of the opposition benchers


Scenes We'd Like To See[]

Main article: Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 1, Episode 5
  • Bad things to say on stage at Live 8.
  • What the voices in Prince Charles' head are saying.
  • Inappropriate things to say on winning Wimbledon.

External links[]

Mock the WeekSeries 1 Episodes
Episode 1 · Episode 2 · Episode 3 · Episode 4 · Episode 5 · Episode 6
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